largest snake found... dead.

mid week blues...

a good session at no.5. wow i just got to know this girl who is just damn in your face. well, i must say that alcohol in some way does somehow make a person look hotter than they are. so i must maintain my prudence in judgement. she is the first that questioned on my vagueness in describing my address.

"so where do you live...?"

err somewhere central... between toa payoh and novena...

"what the fuck in central? just say where u live"

"u mean j;n rajah? balestier?... bahagia?"

okay i live off bahagia

"yalar then just say lar... you think i dunno where ah. jln rajah... jalan etc"

yeap.

"so do you facebook? are you an active or passive facebooker?"

err how do you define active?

"aiya knowing you probably take forever to add me... plus you also fail to take my HP number..."

okay... i didnt know u mobile these days? haha. whats your number?

i probably wont call u lor

damn direct... shocking.

mid week blues. i decided to voice my thoughts on my current insufficient manpower assistance to one of the directors. unfortunately i reckon the whole conversation was rather unfruitful. in the end... the conclusion was that i was on my own and i have to manage all this shit on my own. damn. the work distribution is fucking unfair. its getting so bad that i really fucking hate my collegues who are having the good life but pretending to be damn fucking stress. if i could... i would tell them that they are years ahead of experience than i am and they better fucking shut up. please stop acting busy. i really think all these talk is just hot air and bullshit. i guess all the martinis are getting the best of me. but i must say, everything seems rather enhance.

i am so glad that sunho is back. the last 2 weeks was rather dreadful. i wanna see the little boy again.

saehoon got me a new cd from korea. apparently she artist is a serious and real artist.

tennis tomorrow. however realised taht i'm moderating tomorrow. sigh. 2nd designers forum. i guess im moderating for all the sessions. tomorrows speaker... WOHA... SURBANA... and some Korean artist. i am so unprepared. and i have yet to prepare the brief for the pavilion competition. sigh.

okay i better read up now.

these are busy times...

CV updating can be such a chore. i find the whole introduction segment so difficult to write. how much awesomeness can one write about themselves. nevertheless its good motivation and rather fun.

been out of the office these couple days. and i hate having to go back into the office after hours just because. thankfully today i had a good excuse to leave the office early. went over to ZARA to pick out a jacket for ping's farewell. i dun like to be sent alone to run these sort of errands... i get tempted to shop for myself. really can't believe that he's actually leaving. but i do respect him, very brave of him to decide to further his studies in Germany. imagine a little thai boy who can barely speak english now has to try and communicate and survive in a much foreign land.

so since i have no one to share my day with. let me share my great achievements thus far to all you readers. i know you all will not be able to appreciate this but you do not have much of a choice anyway.

met up with the client yesterday before he was flying off to Beijing. after the meeting with the potential contractor for the job, we head over to Bulthaup to check out the kitchen i had specified. we had to justify to the client why on earth are we spending money on a $150k kitchen system. well, after spending almost an hour at the showroom, i reckon the wife was pretty impress by the kitchen. i must say... its innovation to the max. these germans really thought of everything for a kitchen. hope they wont scrap the proposal... it would be a very nice kitchen to display in the house. now with that hurdle done... the next step is to justify why i chose a bathtub that cost them $30k. haha. it never ends. think the next time they're back, i'll have to take them to see the specified wardrobe. given that they are currently using B&B wardrobe system, the $100k Rimadesio wardrobes should be a good upgrade. notice i'm highlighting the price tags... because until today... i still rather dumbfounded by all these. and to think... they were complaining that the grass cutter's fee of a $160 is too expensive.

So the next day, i had to run around sourcing for a cheaper grass cutter to trim the grass on site. to my horror most of the other offer was $200 and above. crazy. its times like these that i wish those bangladeshi workers carried mobile phones. and so i was left standing on site scratching my head on how to solve this grass problem. then i realised that i was surrounded by construction sites. so i had the brightest idea one could ever think of. i decided to head over to the biggest construction site that was building the condo right across from my site to negotiate and offer my proposition. i decided to take advantage of the fact that they were using my site as a car park, which in fact they had no right to do so because that would be trespassing into private property. so i told the contractor that out of goodwill i had "allowed" them to park their cars on the site, and since i had allowed that to happen i expected them to do me a favor out of "good will" in return. and so they figured that i was indeed doing them a huge favor and obligedly offered to cut the grass for free. haha! well i'll have to head down site again to check if they had done so. otherwise... i would have no choice but to exercise my rights. damn... so i just managed to help the client save $160 bucks.

after a long hiatus i decided to show up for the design committee meeting. why would anyone turn down a free lunch? i guess these meetings in a way is a breather from all the mundane routine meetings. bunch of young architects trying to inspire and change and educate the singapore population of the world of Architecture. so we had a worrying discussion on the poor attendance for this years Designers Forum series. how do increase the numbers. where is all the young aspiring architects and the students? so we reckon and most definitely due to the over priced registration fee in relation to the level to Architectural superstardom of the speakers. oh well. but i think if we minus all the adults in the committee and hopefully they would turn up less and let us run the show... next years archifest sounds like its gonna be a blast. and perhaps... our first Serpentine gallery? ahah!

then later i headed towards east at jalan sultan to check out the conference table for the new office meeting rooms. i was rather dissapointed by the suppliers office setting, further more the poor PR of the staff. i guess the only people with good human relation was the bosses which made me only wanting to speak to them, i just ignored the staff because they were such dick heads. it was so bad until i just wanted to walk out of the place.

anyway... i have so much more to blab about. but its getting late... talking is easier than typing.

life in slow motion...

i have been looping David Gray's "slow motion" more than 30 times today... beautiful song. i agree that everything in slow motion seems so unreal and the whole motion becomes such a beautiful art-form to marvel at. stupid it seems. like watching federer hit a forehand in slowmotion... makes u wish u could do the same at the same exact speed.

i tell you. one of the scary things about living alone is when you choke on something and theres no one around to save you. you could just choke and collapse there and then. not a single person would know until the foul smell of dead body begins to interrupt the neighbors. *cough cough*

was already sick for the past 2 days... and i hate getting real sick. aweful feeling especially when you just can't get yourself out of bed... but you're dying of hunger. but i forced myself to go to work. forced my way out of bed on friday morning... took me the whole morning to do it. sometimes i just don't know why i do these sort of things... just so i can check on the progress of the office expansion, sent out a few letters/ report, and to conduct a technical meeting with the contractor because they were desperate to clear some issues... even if we were not obligated to entertain such last minute cries.

the night breeze tonight is very cooling. great day to be sleeping outside under the stars. wish i had a balcony or terrace now. man... i love night cool winds.

the meeting of the lawyer went pretty okay. i must give credit to layteng. she is indeed very cute. but sad part is that she only looks good with her thick black frame glasses on. and even sadder is that she doesnt like them. i reckon it makes her look intelligent. the black frames somehow brings out her features. i liked it in a superficial way perhaps. as how Calvino would describe... with and without the glasses one is an entirely different person. a choice of who you seek to be. well i guess it went pretty okay given that we actually adjourned to have tiramisu. but shes only... 22. they come so young, innocent and fresh... so much ahead for them to discover.

movie with the girls after. Bruno. it was a sick sick movie. funny but seriously sick. haha. ah! the worst scene was when he flashed and flipped his dick in the homemade video. horror! well, i guess he had to really go all out for this one to get the sort of hype and reaction he seeks. apparently the movie has been thoroughly screened and censored. i just don;t wanna know what could be worse than what was already shown. sicko.

church tomorrow. 9 or 11? haha. night!

happy birthday...

it has been a grueling 3 weeks. fingers crossed the office renovation will soon be completed. of course then i realised that its only part 1. part 2 has yet to start... and office retro fitting is a much tougher task. but lets not think about it for now.

now... you would think that after 3 years in the field, by now i would had already completed a project. well indeed i have done many designs and proposals etc. but all of them are merely on paper.

so this small ID job will mark the completion of my first built work. pretty exciting innit? well initially, i had hoped my first completed job would had been the ID works for the Urbana penthouse. unfortunately that didnt materialize. the client decided to just sell off the place as it is. he managed to sell it for a decent 10 mil. the renovation work would had cost him around half a million... and he thought that was expensive.

i must say, and it is true that Architects are late bloomers or should i say it takes years before we can see the fruits from our labours.

think about it, a doctor gets to save a life in a matter of seconds, a lawyer can complete a trial in a matter of weeks or days, a accountant would complete an audit in say 3 months, a structural engineer gets to see his superstructure frame completed in 6 months atleast for a high rise building, heck a professional runner can complete his task in a matter of seconds, anyway, well... you get my drift.

let me give you the breakdown of how long it will take before an architect gets to see light at the end of the tunnel:

1 year... spent in finding the right client. client's rarely come to you.

0.5 year... to find the right site

0.5 year to convince self that its the right site

1 year... to study and analyze the site

2 years spent on designing

1 year to obtain the authority approvals

1 year to sort out all the strucutre, mechanical and electrical system

1 year to get the cost right

another 1 year to convince the client that the cost is right

1 year to find the right contractor

0.5 year to negotiate with the contractor on the agreeable price

1 year for the contractor to study and understand the designs

5 years for the contractor to built it ( with constant squabbling with the Architect as of what should be the right way to built it)

1 year spent on rectifying the defects

1 year arguing with the client insisting that this was the design that he approved

0.5 year trying to justify the money spent or more like explaining why the final cost was beyond the stipulated budget

before finally handing over the building back to the client.

and an eternity to be bothered by the clients incessant complaints.

so thats 20++ years to finally have a building completed. its no wonder all architects only become famous in their 50s. sigh.

haha... i know this is an exaggeration... but still... you get my point.

menghitung hari...2

menghitung hari...

post national day. forced myself to the office to check on the contractor's work. vinyl flooring is up. most of the cabinetry framework is up. and the ceiling guy was puttying the ceiling/ partition board. i just can't wait for all this to be over and done with.

saturday was the start of the new tennis lesson cycle. the coach has put up a notch on the training. till today my hand is feeling the aches. getting ready for the big game in september. apparently my backhand is my form of weapon. so i need to brush up on my forehand skills. i have been very skeptical about tennis coaches. took me long time to actually find one that is good. most coaches i've seen around are plain rip-offs. but i dun blame them. coaches for beginner and amateur level does not require any skills. as long as they can hit the ball back to the player then its good enough. heck they dun even need to run for any ball. not a bad option to earn some extra pocket money. but my coach... is the coach among the coaches. damn right he is. he's abit worried because his name is on the line for the tournament as well. haha.

we celebrated sunho's belated 100th day celebration. initially the plan was to have an outdoor event. but everyone didnt think it would be a good idea given the recent hazy days. so we had steam boat instead. woot! i've not done such serious super-marketing in a long while. but pushing the trolly around trying to squeeze my way among the crowd was rather exciting. all the food... delicious.

sunday was singapore's national day and the premier of the singapore idol. i was surprise to see BenChow taking part in the contest. he's got a good voice... but i must agree his audition was slightly OTT. but the cast explained why he was missing out of action from Jazz@SB for such a long time. sad. i amazed myself being able to sit through the whole charity shield match. goes to show i was probably very bored and there was nothing much to do given i only had 3 options to choose from; soccer match, mahjong, continually eating. so obviously i chose the one that required the least amount of activity. hah!

beautiful monday morning it was. sadly it only will last for a day. and soon its back to work at the office. well, counting down my days now before i eventually enter a new phase. the sermon on sunday really confirmed my thoughts. although i am still in doubt of my decision and the execution of the plans made. there are sacrifices that have to be made but also things to be gained as well. oh well, we'll see how the year ends.

passing of the blues... rainy days & mondays.

So use it and prove it

Remove this whirling sadness

I'm losing, I'm bluesing

But who can save me from madness

So save me I'm waiting

I'm needing, hear me pleading

And soothe me, improve me

I'm grieving, I'm barely believing now

sukiyaki...

screwdrivers are the best after a tiring and terrible day. terrible or the degree of it however varies from day to day and the situation. but on fridays... its a good way to end the week despite how tired you are.

now that the ceiling grid is up and ready to install the plaster boards. the boss decides he's not happy with it and wants to change it. i agree perhaps i did not put great effort in figuring out the alignment and had put much needed deep thought into the ceiling rational. but sometimes when you think abt it... who gives a fucking damn? in the end it is not my office, and i guess the one who pays and have to bear all the scrutinization would have to be the boss. this is a chance to showcase the office capability which perhaps i am not up to the task. fuck its never to the standard... especially when standard changes from day to day or mood to mood. as i've said.. there is no right or wrong in design. scrutinization is all a perception. someone might say its bad... but another might differ. so it all depends on who's praises you're in favor of.

i really dont know how to tell the contractor that we need to remove the ceilings and already installed aircond. i wish all this would be over sooner. its another addtional 2 weeks before its all done. i hope theres no further comments and all is locked in. to hell with uncertainty and fickle minded faggots who cant be decisive yet do not want to take the responsibility.

and so he says... " you sure these dimensions are correct ah. you better be sure my files can be slotted in. make sure all the ergonomics are correct. dun follow the old standard of proportions..." and i replied... "fuck you... do it yourself you dumbshit and give me more money." haha! yes i know all you other fuckers life is much tougher and harder than mine. shittier hours and worse bosses than mine. boo hoo!

and now mom dad will start blabbing about how i shouldnt be negative about this. and have abit of PR skill. learn to tolerate and just do the work. its a simple task. do as you're told... bla di bla.

sometimes i do not know why the fuck i write these sort of things. people read these stuff and make their call of fucking judgements and ideas. its just a fucking update of my life. so just chill.

all the stress and having to stand in a dusty room doing standing supervision has given me pimples.

AMILCARE CARRUGA was still young, not lacking resources, without exaggerated material or spiritual ambitions: nothing, therefore, prevented him from enjoying life. And yet he came to realize that for a while now this life, for him, had imperceptibly been losing its savor. Trifles, like, for example, looking at women in the street: there had been a time when he would cast his eyes on them greedily; now perhaps he would instinctively start to look at them, but it would immediately seem to him that they were speeding past like a wind, stirring no sensation, so he would lower his eyelids, indifferent. Once new cities had excited him--he traveled often, since he was a merchant--but now he felt only irritation, confusion, loss of bearings. Before, since he lived alone, he used to go to the movies every evening; he enjoyed himself, no matter what the picture was. Anyone who goes all the time sees, as it were, one huge film, in endless installments: he knows all the actors, even the character players and the walk-ons, and this recognition of them every time is amusing in itself. Well: now even at the movies, all those faces seemed to have become colorless to him, flat, anonymous; he was bored.
- italo calvino

anyway... Happy National Day to the Swiss! go federer... WOOT!

back in the land of... hot pants

just finished showering from night tennis. i immediately went straight to the courts reaching home from the airport. no time to lose man... haha must meet my minimum twice a day tennis for the week. i managed to hit some balls over at KL. although i must say that the so called "synthetic" grass court was horribly maintained. they should just make it hard court.

gastronomical extravaganza at KL. great seeing the guys again. i must say it was a slightly more organized and planned trip up as compared to my previous trips. yes, thankfully it was not all about YUMCHA. but we've decided on the next escapade... BAK KUT TEH @ klang! yumz.
let me list out the foods eaten in an orderly fashion...
palate palette / spare ribs prawn mee / yong tiu fu / coffee @ le passione / hoegarden with roast pork etc / sinful chocolate cakes from some supposedly famous gal couple baker who makes cakes for the Agung / cafe cafe... fettucine with white truffle sauce, wagyu beef cheeks with red wine sauce, duck breast with foie gras, wild rocket salad, lamb shank with... cant remember / lots of wine / fish head noodle / hoegarden / kajang satay

while i wait for my dinner to arrive and laundry to finish. i figured i better start organizing my music and movies. haha. despite having 1 tetra byte of hard disk space i'm still being very nene about using it.

was chatting with momzy and popzy. apart from planning the family get together which in the end had not made any conclusion. i decided to throw them ideas about me heading back kk. its a real tough decision. simply because its a place i fear i will rot. and its not the easiest and best location if i we're to go for my registration. and i fear of being stuck in the life of YUMCHA-ing. OMG i will die out of boredom.

but i think it be quite fun if i can do up the place at kim leng. do some serious renovation work. i'm thinking of turning one of the rooms into a sound proof music studio. hehe. NBT has given additional ideas on that. and i'll knock off the walls to make a bigger open kitchen concept at the back. i'll plant nice bushida trees facing the living area and wall up the whol place from the outside. wow i can already imagine the whole image in my head. feel the rawness of the space.

okay i'm seriously hungry now.

walking on broken glass...

skipped church today to hit some balls at the court. lately i have been browsing around for more tennis courts which are easily accessible from my place and sourcing for available tennis clubs. i realised that i have been skipping all my religious activities of late. so tuesday's bible class i must attend.
but getting up early to stroke some balls is rather therapeutic. i have not played so hard until i've formed blisters on my thumb.

then picnic at fort canning park was ... hot. i love picnics. and this was my first picnic in singapore. i must give credit to the N-parks for providing and maintaining all these lovely parks. but sadly the government can't control the weather. relative humidity... if only there was a gush of wind blowing. that would had made a whole lot of difference.
but i seized the event to open up the punt road dessert wine. woot! finally a rightful occasion before it turns bad.

picnic at the park... with an accordion.

the week went by so quickly. so disappointed that tennis was canceled today. i really must further expand my tennis circle to atleast have 3 circle of tennis groups. then i can rotate myself among the groups. further more, the weather was so fine today.
nevertheless i took advantage of the day my sleeping in. i am actually a very tired boy. put me near the bed and i will just doze off. i need to make friends with tennis fanatics... then i would be able to play at every other day.

skipped bible class this week to catch a movie - paris j'taime. its a series of short films by different directors but all of a common theme - love. very frenchy indeed. it covers on all different languages and types of love not to mentioned different sort of species. its the sort of movie that wants to make u feel all lovey dovey after. i can't wait for the next film to be release - new york, i love you.

okay... off to see the little boy.

guess i'll hang my sweat out to dry...

decided to go back into competitive tennis again. the last time i played tennis competitively was back in Uni. this time around i've signed up for a couple of singles tournaments during the upcoming months.
i decided to sign up for it was because i realised that i am not getting any younger. and i know i will definitely regret my not playing as much competitive matches when i get older. knowing had the opportunity to do so.i will go through the 2 quarter of my life feeling regretful and remorseful of my poor decisions in life.
so i figured i shall not waste any further time. my other agendas of piano lessons etc does not require much of physical strengths and so i still have time. but sporting activities on the other hand has its limit.
the other compeling motivaitonal reason i decided to pursue this with little hesitation was of my newly purchased K6.1 racquet. woot! awesomeness! i figured (and with the help of sis' gut intuition) that no point i wait till i hit 30 plus before i get such a good racquet to play. it would be a great waste of such a good racquet being put to use during my failing physical prime.
and thus lately, i have been stocking up my sporting gear of late and planning my training sessions. so fun! full on man! haha
occupied with my exercising regime... have to cut down on my alcohol consumption. alot of stamina needs to be built. sigh. so unfit.
still a little while more before i hang the racquet from competitive playing... kononnya... spoken like a true pro... jeh.

sam needs a federer racquet...

here's the little Michelin Man!! haha...

a flower is not... a flower

the mid week has passed. i've learned how to make wiser decisions. never ever go mambo-ing on a wednesday night when you know you aren't able to take MC the next day because you have scheduled meetings/ appointments you can't escape from. sigh. i should had stopped and headed home after emerald hill. worst is you can't sleep it off because the minutes and all the extra yet necessary paper work has to be done. well perhaps i say this now that i have truly learned my lesson, but its bound to happen again with the past as my witness. i believe the term is... dejavu all over again.

on another note, i'm not sure if i should feel embarrassed with all the tender queries coming in. i think its a bad testament to the poor and lack of sufficient information. so many grey and unresolved details. i should seriously bury my head into the sand. so tedious it is because you don't want to make the same mistake twice.

i have a feeling that i am being overstretched again. but the more stress and busy i am becoming the more i wanna get away and avoid at all cause. i guess i'm feeling more crappy than usual today because of last night. most days i just take it in with fist full of salt.

i really am getting quite impatient. 30 more days before SH can come out and play. of course this means i still have 30 days to get my place all ready with proper cooking utensils and crockery. i'm currently scratching my head as to where and how we should celebrate his 100th day. something extremely outdoor... picnic!

SH is just so damn cute. i like.

i hate mondays... its that small window between sunday night and the monday morning before work. and i wish fridays would end sooner. don't we all agree?

why do i torture and inflict myself with such meaningless thoughts...

timbuktu...

sometimes life grabs you by the ass without any warning. one moment you're living forgetfully the next thing you realize how fast things turns. really you thing this is really uncalled for. and all you could just wonder and think to yourself... what the fuck?!

really sometimes you are just speechless. after all that and your still caught in the blue. what the heck did just happened??!

well... the last thing you would write about before hitting the sack.

but i must say... truth or dare is seriously very lame.

greatest regret...

today i have made one of the biggest mistake of my life. there was a talk about architecture and the community. one of the invited speakers was the national director for habitat for humanity. an organisation that i have been trying to get involve in, even if it was a half baked attempt due to my complacent nature. but anyway, it was an exciting time because finally a big guy was in our midst and a great opportunity to go straight into the source rather than having to wait in line to await the calling of duty. 

after talk i had wanted to approach the man as what i had always dreamt of doing. sadly i wish my face would had been more thick for things that really matter. immediately after the talk, my friends kept pestering me that we all should leave the place with immediate effect. one wanted to go see her dogs and the other wanted to see his wife. yes i understand their rightful obligation. so instead of pushing my way or just ignoring them i heeded to their proposition and left the place empty handed. the whole journey back i was just so irritated and agitated with myself. why oh why didn't i just do it. sigh. oh well i'll just have to continue my luck with the emails. even now i feel so pissed off about myself. idiot. i can never forgive myself for such idiosyncrasy. he was wide open and ready for me to devour. and i wasted good meat. 

sigh... oh well, atleast the talk has given me clearer ideas on my other proposition. i shall start writing my proposal to the good mother who works for the education ministry. perhaps she can help pull some strings. all for a good cause as always.

went over to Changi avenue to look at marbles in the morning. i still find the whole singapore way of dry-laying of marble ridiculous. first as you know, marble is a stone hence a natural materials. and like all other natural materials it has characters that is beyond the control of us humans. whatever that comes from the mountain is what you will get. its not like wagyu beef where the marbling of the meat can be determined and controled by the amount of  strokes and care you give the cow. unfortunately i do not think that applies in the same for mountains. but the funny thing is in singapore, people want to control everything. the grain of timber or the way it weathers... the type of character in marble patterns... and all other sorts of natural products. so because the developers in singapore have spoilt the end users with such luxury... we architects have to suffer by having to sit in the factory to sort out marbles in the way they want it to look. all this could have been avoided if they had just resorted to homogeneous tiles. these days china can do marble looking tiles. but ofcourse it just wont sell if its not a "natural" material. natural looking materials dont come close. so they want natural materials that look artificial. sigh. how stupid is that. imagine the amount of wastage. and already quarrying for stones is already an unearth friendly activity. so the government got cleverer, in order to be green, the option of natural materials will be out of the question. but i reckon since the mountains are already killed... why cant we go ahead with the marble by accepting the fate of its character. theres no harm to it... in fact it would definitely give a much more natural feel to the space. the romans have built temples out of marbles for years... and i dont think they ever bothered doing these sort of dry-lay sorting. hadrian's villa probably looked spectacular... even if the marble was all over the place. its all in the mind. now what in the world did i just type? bla bla bla... who am i to judge mother natures handiwork?!

the italians are probably giggling to themselves thinking we're a bunch of idiots... suckers!

for mom and dad...

okay... more like this...

rainy sunday afternoon...

now i can totally understand Ben's backpacking mission. well lets hope he can be as successful as Jesse in Before Sunrise. it is a magical encounter to meet someone at random. and meeting someone at these unsuspecting places and situation just makes it more sweeter. both parties find chemistry and aren't afraid to hide it because seriously theres nothing to lose and theres not a care in the world that can stop you from living that self created time. its sublime. 

a friend of mine invited me to watch her perform at a christmas party last year. it was at some mexican restaurant at Rochester park. apparently the singapore music industry is not doing her enough justice. they opt for good looks rather than talent i suppose. sadly i have to agree on that and i think she is really talented. 

stella artois...

sometimes i wonder why i spent the lonely nights working in the den. nobody seriously gives a shit on these projects and are just finding ways to avoid them. in the end... the one doing the work is the biggest loser. 

fuck lar.

so tired. 

i've yet to satisfy my tau hue at selegie road craving. i think supper is a romantic event. simply because it is a vice.

Friday is the presentation... day to call tender... and my last day to submit the waivers. shit. i'm no octopus.

as the saying goes... just pretend its okay and just take all the shit. never make enemies and be a dog to all. woof!

it's always my fault. i just can't manage my time well. i am not in the worst situation. some have endured worst. fuck you. i'm not you and i do not fucking give a damn if you're a shitty workaholic. seriously... fuck you.