uncertainty...

so for the first time i've finally went through an MRI machine. i really didnt know what to expect and how it would feel to be in the tunnel. so when i was finally in there... i was pretty much blanked. i think being in the tunnel aint the problem, but the idea that you have to lay completely still for 30 minutes was indeed a scary thought.

thankfully i made it through with out much complication. although for numerous times during my time in the tunnel, i kept having these urges to lift my legs up or at least shake 'em. it was like a twitchy feeling. glad it never happened. but after that whole event, i realised one precious thing- that i was still in complete control of my body. although the legs really felt like being naughty (i like calling them naughty), my mind was in full control to make sure it doesnt. with moments like this you realised that it is a fine line between sanity and crossing over to the world of insanity. well i hope the results will not be as shocking as i keep imagining it to be.

you know how it is in television shows where doctors so easily request patients to go on these stupid MRI machines. they made it seem to easy. going through the machine was like walk in the park. well perhaps for the doctors it aint a problem. but the poor patients that have to endure being totally motionless in a round tube. scary. i wonder how fat people could fit into the MRI machine that i went through, it seemed pretty narrow. also i thought it would greatly help if they put a mini tv in the thing or at least play some classical music at the background. it would greatly help ease the horrible feeling of solitude and claustrophobia. so about these doctors and their MRIs, man! apart from it being a painfully suffering for the patients both mentally, it's also freaking expensive. i wish Architects could charge clients the same amount with plotting drawings and also together with the exorbitant consultation fees. 60 bucks for a freaking minute of consultation. in fact it was barely a consultation... more of a referral to spend more money.

been watching a fair amount of TV of late. and i realise the amount of shows there are about doctors and lawyers. and now they even have a show just on nurses. wow why do the media embrace so much on these people. plus they are the 2 professions with the highest amount of fee charges. man, we sure do love our doctors and lawyers so so much!

cats...

this is in response to Serene's blog entry about Mishu...

bottles of champagne...

"6 months isn't so long... everybody gets corrupted."

- tracy from Manhattan (1979)

its been almost a week at the little island. so much has been going through my mine that even i had not anticipated. it is true that life is about making choices, but seriously when there are choices which determines your life, it aint that easy as someone thinks. every decision becomes so difficult. i would give you the breakdown on what the decisions are thus far but i can honestly tell you that its still very much very sketchy. the hardest part is trying to make everyone think that its a-okay, everything is under control. but although it has not reached to a state of tearing my hair off it is still difficult indeed. but the underlying problem is me, what the hell do i want and where do i want to be at this present moment, although home is something that is never to late, but the underlying question is-when? putting thingsinto perspective isnt so easy as there is so much emotion involve when deciding, and it is necessary because the heart does matter when one decides. i know many of you readers are thinking... "just fucking decide already, but i can only retaliate with a Fuck you and go kay poh someone else life". haha. you notice the last bit of "haha" is just a pretext of relieving the tension of the said words before.

now what are the options you ask? well its between getting a little more of a taste of near perfection before going back to the realm of dissapointment, corruption and having to work 10 times harder to get things right. you think joannechew's husband would be a glimmer of hope of the state of a place? i doubt so... he's a fucking idiot just like any other young punk over there. oh forgive me for being so crude and offensive in my remarks, but when a man is in distress and in a state of deep thought. things can get pretty out of control in terms of verbal description. but seriously i hope i am wrong.

so its about getting my priorities straight. to understand the human context of things. things that can't be changed over night and with out rational reasons. contractors cant just suddenly be able to do things beyond there ability and clients who cant just decide that they are willing to pay for something that is beyond their understanding. no its impossible. it requirespatience and a tactful thought, because really, everyone else is fucking stupid except you.

i am a very upset man. upset on things that you cant change overnight and things that you can't control. so anyway, i have been going for a few interviews lately. thus far all of them have offered me a job, except perhaps in terms of salary it can be quite hard to swallow. but i guess its better to sell yourself high first rather than going low and ending up with shit. (unfinished)

so anyway, the song Manhattan has been running though my head endlessly. its a very architecture song i should say. CONTEXT! people... CONTEXT!

books i've been preoccupied with thus far...

Echo of Space/ Space of Echo - Atelier Bow-Wow

Studies- The office of Ryue Nishizawa

Constructing Architecture:materials/ processes/ structures, a Handbook- Andrea Deplazes (Ed.)

Atmosphere- Peter Zumthor

choices...