twoandahalfweeksandwhyisn'titanysooner...

as most of you would know by now. my departure from the little island is soon to be. with just over a couple weeks more i will be leaving the hard work behind. blood sweat and tears had gone into the projects but unfortunately decisions have to be made. i will not bother to detail the reasons for leaving but i assure you that it is in hope of bigger and better things.

I can really feel that i am mentally drained out from all of this. i struggle to get out of bed every morning (also might be due to the working till late), and how i will always at a certain point of the day feel so lost and confused about work. i tend to stop and imagine this big pile of things to do that i know its physically impossible to complete. with such negativity in mind, half my brain just gives up trying. it is a very bad thing to contemplate about but its this sense of defeat that reminds me that theres only so much a person can do. perhaps i h

ave not reached my full potential and have yet to really learnt all i can within these years. but where is the cut off line? and a bigger question... if its worth it?

well i told myself that its not the work that was bad but it was the environment that made the work more stressful than it is. the management has a funny way of training people. i will always want to learn but at the same time i also want to live. and if the company's definition of living is about constantly pushing your boundaries and compressing all your experience within this short time frame without stopping to rest and reflect, then i'd rather learn things the longer way. it is true that the amount of learning you get here is exorbitant. bu

t i can feel my mental being sucked dry like a wrinkled prune. i just can't do it anymore.

and so it's onward to other brighter and different things...

>much later...

i must admit that i am still a little possessive over my projects. knowing that all my work will have to be handed over to some other human makes me feel a little uneasy, jealous and sad. simply because i feel that most of the shit work was done by me and the ultimate credit will still go to whoever if the last man standing. sigh.

the handover has already begun...

>much much later... after 2 cans of beers.

sigh!!!!!!!

running out of steam...

seriously i guess that there are things in life best left not knowing. it should be only a thought in passing but never to let it dwell till you go crazy. but being the curious cool cat that i am... i just couldn't resist. sure enough... the regret that was inevitable.

just realised today that the GM is planning to rid the current PM for the project. that is horrible. i really love the PM... a real nice chap who wasn't afraid to do things his way. but that same enthusiasm also caused his departure from the project. i guess we humans no matter what will not be able to segregate our personal feelings with our professional judgements. with him gone... that would mean that the GM will be in more control of things. in other words its a huge warning sign for all to run the hell out. the project is a disaster! and it will only grow worst. when people of the higher ranks are getting more involve... it is never a good thing. and i can feel that the angmoh is slowly throwing all the crap to me. so typical. yes and off he goes to do his bloody fucking "dry-lays".

on the other side... the client wants to increase the ceiling height for the living area. another big problem at this late stage. sigh. perhaps its my fault that i failed to really study the option of raising the ceiling. but my take was that the living room is not suppose to be the hearth of the house instead the family room was suppose to be the main gathering space for the family. i gave them a 5m high space with a skylight. i dunno how to reassure the client on this tomorrow. the micro part of designing has begun. wish i could solve all of it... but i fear that i probably would not be able to stay that long. initially i had contemplated another year. but from the way things are going it probably aint happening.

too many things crashing all at once. that includes my own life here.

today has been a rather short day in the office. usually from wednesday onwards... most of my days are spent out of the office and on site. now tell me how the heck do i have time to draft my drawings?!

anyway... well morning site meeting was a nightmare. watching the client banging the table and threatening to sack anyone and everyone who makes the slightest error is really very stressful. then in the afternoon met my other client and his wife to review the landscape proposal. the contrast between a big time developer and a private owner is very telling. developers is all about just getting the job done as early as possible yet still must be able to achieve top quality works. with private owners however, its about trying to satisfy their own ego and the amount of emotional energy put into it is unjustifiable.

so anyway... i must say that my trees and flower knowledge is almost close to zero. well... the only knowledge i have is knowing how to differentiate a Frangipani from a Busheda, which isnt very hard... a bougainvillea between a orchid. har! but i'm so honored that the client, despite my lack of knowledge in plants, still respects my ideas and decisions in every aspect.

the wife obviously knows far better stuff about plants than i do. after the meeting i went home to google all the plants she had mentioned... its gonna be a long discussion with the landscape specialist.

a picture of a Cochlopermum, also known as a buttercup tree. well i agree with the client that its a much more unique and sculptural tree as compared to the common Plumeria trees. the flowers are huge!

on Friday well be heading to Bulthaup to finalise on the kitchen system. i had to reassure the client that using the wood finish for the cabinets is a way classier choice than the stainless steel finish. it was a hard one because i personally also love stainless steel. i think the tricky part is having to deal with natural materials. no architect can truly control mother nature. i guess while we're there... we might as well stop by Xtra to check out some furnitures, if all can be covered then... i might not need to go furniture shopping with them over the weekend. Apparently its the best time to buy furnitures because of the clearance sales...

and i've set my eyes on the Jesse range...

i think for this beach house... i'm gonna go for the warm gray/ natural modern theme. those timber boards would be so perfect for this house... and at my wits on experimenting with the timber... trying all sorts of method to get that washed out rustic effect. i've tried white wash... acid wash... grey wash... i think the timber specialist is getting rather frustrated as well.

another new chapter...

came across a "sweded" version of the Karate Kid on youtube. it was so lame yet somehow it still does in a way manages to summarize the whole movie in 8 minutes. who would had thought you could learn karate just by mastering your household chores. but its seriously still a kick ass kungfu pow awesome movie. then again i realised that despite me loving the first movie, i actually had never watched all the subsequent sequels.

sadly... the holiday season is over and its back to normalcy. sigh.

been reflecting on the pass decade and how funny it is that i tend to remember some over the strangest things. well it's been nearly decade since i've left home and away from the parents. only to return for the holiday seasons.

i actually made a chronological timeline listing a few highlights during the past years... but decided to keep it to myself after a second thought. i guess there are some things really better left untold. hah!

2010... time to get serious?