blame it on my youth...

staring in front of my imac while typing this entry is just surreal. i never imagined this very day would come. i was having butterflies in my tummy as i was on way to receive this beau. its almost like seeing your first born child being brought into this world. haha. SH would kill me if he finds out i made such comparison.

of course the whole macintosh thing isnt a new thing for me. given that i am already an avid cult member for the past 7 years. but this is my first very own desktop purchased using my hard earn cash. and the monitor is just so friggin huge. things will never ever be the same again. the last desktop i had was during my first year of college before i became a Mac convert. but it was a second hand desktop. the specs was customized, hence it wasnt a bad PC. it was capable of playing computer games and it was where i tried my first hand on photoshop and autocad.

this definitely marks a new phase in my life or so SH says. and he followed up by saying... "and now all you need is a gf..." i was like... "what the... ?!"

but instead of posting photos of my iMac. i shall instead upload a picture of SunHo the grumpy little baby.

*note: this is the first time i'm holding an infant in my entire life.


i asked SH's dad of how it feels to be a grandfather now. instead he told me that he will not officially be a grandfather until SunHo actually acknowledges him as his grandfather. haha. SH's dad is very nice. seriously my whole perception of koreans has changed.

and so... whats the first thing i should use my mac for? install microsoft word and type out my minutes of course!

just say yes... dammit.

the weekend has ended. it was a rather eventful weekend to say the least.

i just bought a new external hard disk. i am seriously running out of space. i've accumulated so much junk until my current external hard drive is incapable of storing them. its time i clear all my junk from my office PC.

Anna Karenina @ esplanade performed by the Finnish National Ballet at the end of May. i should purchase my tics. i must say, i really dun like it when they do they tip-toe dancing routines. it always makes me feel uncomfortable. but i love how the way they sway their bodies. so flexible and... sexual. oh! sexual healing...

3 business days...

on my way back from bible class i decided to tune my ipod to Buble. i have not listen to his songs for quite sometime. and i stumbled on "save the last dance for me". a very catchy tune. always makes you feel like dancing along unlike the majority of his tracks that are usually more mellowed. but anyway,everytime i listen to this song. it always brings back good memories of the road trip. i think it was to the great ocean road with my then cell group and when i was with jm. haha. most of the time the trip was rather stressful. man, try being a cell leader for a disproportianate group of girls/ guys and the latter being the minority. the fun part however was during our journey in the car. it was the first time i saw the tall boy dancing to the music. he was usually quite shy and solemn. but anyway i think he really liked that song. because we kept looping it. ah those were the care free days. remembering the tall boy... who is still a boy. the last i heard of him was he became the chairman of OCF. rather ironic given that back then all he wanted to do was hide and made plans to leave. things change, but i think its because he made more friends and felt more accepted. thats always the case i guess. when someone feels negative about something, its usually because he feels the lack of acceptance. plus he got together with jm's mentee - theconstantlydistressedgirl. strange combo.

oh! and i just realise that you can pay your bills online! amazing stuff. singapore is really advance man. i was compiling all my bills this morning to make payment at the SAM machine on my way to work, then suddenly i saw some tiny footnote about online payment. and it hit me... maybe i can pay this online. so! i did! then i tried paying my credit card bills... unfortunately that didnt go down so well. sigh. so inconvenient.

now that 2 people have handed in their resignation letter. the whole office is in silent chaos. most are rather shock to be losing the funny guys. at first they were not sure who exactly threw in their letters. so they started analysing every colleague. of coz we who knew just kept quiet. because its not in our business to say. i was surprise that when it came to me. no one gave much of a thought that i would resign. in fact one said taht if i were to be fired, i would be holding on dearly to the front door begging not to be. man their comment was taht i die die must stay to become one of the directors. damn. im not as steady as they think man. sigh.

also... i've finally put my money down on the imac. arriving soon. man... its 2 dollar chicken rice from here on for me. say goodbye to yakitoris and juicy steaks. sad.
at first, me and SH decided to go down the apple store after work yesterday to get the mac there and then. we were so excited. well i was excited and block out all negativity of spending so much money, and SH was just kaypoh and wanted to feed his happiness and envy through me. haha. because now that he has a kid, he must sacrifice his dreams of getting a mac. man i feel sad for him. i'm livin his dream. imagine, he downloaded all the relevant mac software and did thorough research on it and was all set. in the end, his research became my benefit and all the software will be installed into MY IMAC! muahahahaha.
he even brought his digital cum video camera to record this memoriable moment, which i thought was abit strange. it was weird having him filming the whole event of getting the mac. unfortunately, after negotiating and inquiring on the mac, we decided not to get it from the store but rather purchase the thing online. the people were short changing us and the fella smell of cigarettes. he looked rather sleazy as well trying to cheat a poor little malaysian. we concluded that it was far more worth it to get it online.

and so.... i did! it was a happy yet very very painful experience. you all should had seen me struggling and how hard it was for me just to click on the purchase button.
but i figured... given that i have no real commitments and debts... so why not? dun wanna make such a decision when im married and about to have kids. haha.
well i suggested SH that he can still opt for a trade-in. im sure sunho can fetch for a pretty decent mac. in fact he probably can trade-in for the power mac. awesomeness. he thought i was crazy.

sigh. beauty above all matters. imagine... i have 1000 gigabytes of harddisk space! thats ultimate kiasuness.

oh my goodness! just realise that the playoffs are on. heard over the radio when i was waiting for them to do re-runs of date-mate. wanted to listen in to the recent date-mate winner who is also a friend of mine. haha. lai signed up for the competition out of boredom or so he says. and so he managed to asked a girl who is 9 years older than him for a date through the radio DJ for a date at the regency hotel. man. he should had asked me lor. i would've said yes for sure. too bad the dinner at the Regent hotel doesnt come with a room. man... i would definitely make use of the facilities if it did.
okay okay... back to the playoffs. its times like these that i wish i had a tv. sigh. hope Boston kicks the Bull's ass.

but beautiful...

just return from visiting my little godson. i got SH a book- the giving tree, as a belated present. simple yet beautifully crafted story. but its uncomparable to what he has received. every other gift i find is just insignificant. plus the gift i got for the baby boy is way more cooler- a stroller. i spent the whole day afternoon at vivo trying to crack my brain in getting him a nice gift. ofcoz i can definitely say that my gift was far better then what i received for my birthday last year from him... a box of hankerchiefs. haha. ofcoz then i realise that it is a very popular book in korea apparently. he was given one when he was young and hari had 2 copies of the book. one in korean and the other english. darn. okay so then its for SunHo then.

it was my first time holding a baby. and i am not very good at it. too fragile for me. the whole time i was just worried i would accidently snap his neck. i think Hari felt the same way as well.

well observing how the newly made parents handle themselves is so amazing. goodness me. the environment in the house has changed. hari seems so flabergasted and distracted. she cant leave the baby anywhere out of her sight. i could just see the mother instinct in her eyes and behavior when we are around the baby.
then i was forced to watch how the baby was being bathed. SH insists that i observe for my future benefit. man... its a very tiring task. the preparation work is so exhaustive and everything had to be done within 10 minutes or the baby would freeze to death. i didnt want to see the whole process and wanted to sneak over to do the dishes. but i was not allowed and must watch the whole ten minutes of the process. then i decided to be a bit more useful and video recorded the whole event. haha. seeing parents working as a team just to please that little boy. so precious. Hari was telling me how much her life has changed just by a matter of seconds. she began to understand why mothers see how beautiful her child is and she honestly thinks that he is the most handsomest boy in the whole world. i just thought to myself of how tiny he was and he would grow up to be a very hairy boy. haha. then i asked SH if this feeling is equivalent to having a new imac. haha. the answer was that it is no where near that feeling but whole new level.

we also took the opportunity to celebrate black day for me, which was supposed to be on April 14. the day SunHo was born. haha. he's a black day baby. i was served korean black Ja Jiang Meon as a symbol of my singlehood. tasty nonetheless.

sigh. okay... remind myself. PAY THE BILLS!!

shaggy doodle...

i was given the day off for our hard work till 5am this morning. i am so shag right now. was intending to go shopping for birthday present and to seriously look into getting that imac and to get a new portable hard-disk for motives i shall not say. hehe.

In the end i ended up spending the day at home. however, for few hours i had to hang out at the nearby coffee shop because they were fogging all the refuse chutes. so i spent 2 hours stoning at the coffee shop dreaming and watching the traffic controller managing the traffic as there were some road works going on. i realise that it isnt a very easy job to do. and it looks like a rather boring yet tiring task. but someone has to to do it.

anyway, when i got home the place was all smoky and filled with kacats. so i had to sweep the little stupid cockcroaches that managed to escape out the chute.
oh i hate them cockcroaches. they are evil and dirty and evil. why on earth did he created them? disgusting. so just to be sure, i gave them a super duper wiff of shieldtox just to be safe and to make sure that they are totally killed. disgusting. little devils. yuck. disgusting. stupid creatures. they seriously suck man. horrible creatures. lousy insects. a shame of the insect world. dirty dirty little critters.

ooooookay. i think i better go shower and head out now. its FRIDAY NIGHT!

tired eyes and a dead brain...

finally the long suffering is near over. i still dont think we have a chance on winning this based on our scheme. the diagrams are spot on noentheless. haha. we manged to salvage as much my little conceptual doodles for the presentation board. hope it stays all the way till submission.

i have been a total ass the past few weeks. so grumpy and moody that whoever came close could feel my black aura. but you now start to see little smiles of relieve here and there. but the scares and wounds still remain. man this was the most painful competition i had to work on. not so much on the work but on the stress from the management and the politics. sigh. times have really change.

i think sis and anne felt the brunt of it. haha. i can be such a neh-neh. i say so many crappy things and feel so sorry for myself that i wish someone could just slap me... and hug me at the same time. haha. i need lots of love. love deprivity.

i feel so much older now but the company is not moving in tandem with me. seriously it is rather sad when you realise every morning i wake up i have thoghts about how and when i should leave during the whole journey to the office. telling myself all the things and reason why i should move on. planning my next phase of life. its actually quite exciting yet scary at the same time. i have been rather comfortable from where i am. i realise that i have begun to understand and know what i want to do. of course the next if i am given the opportunity to do so. and the office cant offer me this even if they say they are able to. i wouldnt say they are lying if they fail to keep their promises but rather its just in their nature. and they will forever see me in this way as young and in need for their strict guidance. but i need to move on, to see how much farther i can stretch. it seems that i am never ever satisfied. i am always wanting more. i am never really convince of what i have now is of my potential. i never am very satisfied of peoples oppinion and assesment of me. sigh.
i still find it rather sad to have such thoughts of leaving. mainly perhaps it was the first and only company i have worked in Singapore. and i experienced so much there be it good or bad. it was life changing no doubt. but i am starting to see how small the office world is. and i need to see my self in bigger things. see what more can i learn and be. spread these wings and see how far can i really go. have what i learn in the company really been beneficial. i would only know when i leave then will i finally be able to realise that.

i need to know if architecture is more and beyond mkpl.

oh my goodness... my bones are aching. i better rest. sigh... i missed netball today.

but i hate it...

the long weekend is over. unfortunately it was not exactly an enjoyable one this time around neither was it very long. well atleast i managed to squeeze in some leisure time over the past few nights. just finished cleaning the apartment. it was in such a sorry sad neglected state.

the whole weekend was spent in the office. if the boss says i did not put enough hours on this project. i would be utterly speechless.
given that we weren't really much keen on working at the office today. we decided to have a long lunch break.
jon has indeed changed so much. its amazing how God works. i remember trying to avoid him as much because he was such an obnoxious boy who smokes like a chimney and talks like an ass during my Archi uni days. okay i admit, i am a very bad testament/ salt and light to the world. to think i was so worried when the bosses wanted to rehire him. my predictions of his nuisance was all wrong. i like the new jon.

and i am not liking the new him just because he's a christian. believe me i find it very hard to like christians. alot of them can be real shitheads. just remember the most recent christian encounter back in the days of OCF. perhaps its me... i'm not sure.

it was rather strange to be discussing about God with him over lunch. nevertheless we discussed about our plans for the immediate future and how we struggle trying to fit God in it. okay, more like how we cant seem to fit around or have a clear idea of His plan. things in the office has really been deteriorating. the working environment now is seriously very fucked up ( i think thats the only way to describe the present situation in crude clear terms). so we both have already drafted our letter of resignation. we only discovered that we had both did roughly around the same time.
however, the biggest problem we face is finding the correct timing to do so. the both of us struggle in trying to grasp what God's plans are at this very moment. what actions should we take and if the decisions are of our own flesh or by his divine guidance. even discussing this dilemma was so frustrating. we kept banging the table expressing how impatient we are in waiting for Gods signal. of course there is the fear that we might had missed it altogether as well. we agreed and know that its not about sitting around being passive waiting on God to intervene but we have to make the active move ourself. much like having to study before the exams even if we had seek God's help. so the question is what actions should we take? its not as simple and straight forward as studying for an exam. the things we want to do may not be what God had in mind. sigh. its hard to explain.

then again perhaps we thought that this is a time of suffering much like in the days of the isrealites enslaved by the egyptians. haha! its the current book im studying so no surprises there. hehe.

i know that it is indeed God's plan of my choice being in Singapore. for one is because it was not a plan that i had anticipated and despite that, everything somehow fell into place without any huge fuss. hence i knew it was in His plan. much as the rest of my life is thus far. from college all the way till present. now however is the problem. i know that i have a plan of getting from A to B. but the problem is the path in between of reaching to B.
At the end of last year, i had felt and told myself that it was time to move on. either relocate or a simple change in work environment in singapore. but when Lehman brothers suddenly collapsed, all my supposed plans went into shambles. timing is indeed the biggest question. i believe and trust that God will provide and lead but at the same time i hesitate and am scared because i am only human.

looking back on my conversation with jon earlier. i felt like a tear had escaped from my eye, the very thought that i would never had imagined having such conversations with him mellows me. God has really changed him. him rushing to attend church and discussing bible verses with me is so encouraging yet weird.

decided to flip to Proverbs 12. this was jon's answer to last nights prayer. haha. and so i did... very funny because it applies to the current bastard thats causing all the distressing havoc in the office.

here are a few verses that is directly applicable to the american boy...

proverbs 12: 2 - a good man obtains favor from the Lord, but the Lord condemns a crafty man...

proverbs 12: 8 - a man is praised according to his wisdom, but men with warped minds are despised...

proverbs 12: 15 - the way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice...

proverbs 12: 16 - a fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult...

okay i think i've said enough. im just very thrilled that a former rebel is sharing bible verses with me.

in the end we both agreed that we will continure to be nice to him even though our hearts are just raging with fiery anger. we're really just trying to find peace.

okay i better go finish up my bible study homework. i've already missed 2 consecutive classes. cant afford to miss the coming one.

it was a good friday... to work.

this whole weekend will have to be spend in the office. there goes my long weekend... goodbye!
things have been getting really ugly and unpleasant in the office. there is a lot of tension and back stabbing around. and to think of it... its all happening because of one man. and he's american.
since his arrival, he has created much havoc in the office. behind our backs telling the boss of how lazy and useless we are, and how hardworking he is because he's in the office every day working late. but seriously in actual fact... we all know (except for the bosses) that he's only there because he has nothing better to do. but if he continues this sort of behavior, he'll never ever have friends in the office to hang out with.
and so because of him, we're all forced to come back over the weekend to work. because... i quote 'its easy to break one chopstick... but difficult to break a bunch of them...' so says me female boss. what crap. seriously one big fat chopstick will also be hard to break or even a shorter chopstick. so its all matter of perception. this is not team work. its politics. and so my first experience on office politics.
this time around, the stress/ pressure is not coming from the work instead from the management. we're all working for the sake of showing our faces to the boss. its more important to show up than doing work.

sigh... oh well someday and somewhere... happiness is waiting... taking the words from maria and that american fella

but atleast the Friday was not spent all in the office. attended the Reinharrd Bonnke rally in the evening with CK + wife. it was like any other evangelistic rally. but i thought the P&W should had lasted longer. i have not had a long P&W session in the while and was more interested in that than the message. it was a massive crowd... a huge crowd with a majority of sick people. its pretty frightening looking back. a SARS/ Viral/ somesort of disease epidemic would had broken out in that stadium.
we stayed on to witness the earlier session of the final segment of the rally- the healing session, and decided to leave after when the speaker started to call all those who are sick to come to the front. such a pity, none of the people in the wheel chair from where i was standing got up to walk.

may you rest in peace... mr pipe organist for Lygon COC.

gu gu the cat...

my apologies on my previous entry. i did not explicit meant that girls suck per se. instead i was actually refering to thoughts of girls... which can be quite annoying and irritating. so i'm not blaming on girls... but truly on myself.

hope that clears the air... i realise the female readers might had been greatly offended by that.

don't get me wrong. i love girls. haha.

anyway... on to other things that are far more important than thinking about girls. i saw the trailer for GU GU THE CAT. the purpose for me wanting to catch this movie is not so much of the girl and storyline but more so of its involvement about a cat. the cat in the movie reminds me so much of Zumthor. heck it looks so much like her. sigh... i miss zumthor.
hmmm... i should had named her Zum Zum instead. things would had been so different if had done so. but its too late now! oh the sadness...



i hope i can rope in someone to watch this movie with me. it would be a little strange if i had to watch this movie alone. then again... i never really bothered much on watching movies alone.

meow!

i feel like blogging

just came back from no.5. hung out with lai. its really nice to hang out out with people who work in a totally diferent field or line of work. it can be be quite tiresome hanging out with people of the same field of work. discussing politics. especially if you are intending to escape from it all.

the boss has currently designated me to be full time on the competition. i am quite happy because then i will not have to attend the dreadful boring meeting and instead concentrate on works that i am able to control and manage.

i am kindda tipsy writing this entry. but given that i have internet access and the computer was on when i got back. i might as well write some thing thats passing through my mind.

i realise that almost 90% of the people in singapore are attached. this really amazes me. people whom i think cant possibly be attached are so.this makes me wonder and realise its so easy to get attached in singapore. i asked lai if it were true and he totally agreed. at the end of the day its all up to you if you want to be atttached. getting attached is not a concern. i mean thats what he says. then again he's pretty good lokking so i dont think its a concern.

wow i can still taste the screwdriver in my throat. nice. thats one of the perks of beign single. no one to control your life!! thats good!

so i realise that in singapore. no one wants to be lonely. any freakin body can find a partner one way or another.

okay. i mean to write more. but i think i better shower and hit the sack.

it has been a rather fruitful yet disturbing day. girls... such a pain. i can choose to have one. but i shall surpress! because girls fucking suck!!!!!!!

i am sleepy. spending the whole day trying to weave up the whole concept together. ureka!

anyway... wine on thursday. girls involved obviously.

fucking idiots...

read in the Yahoo! news today about the resignation of our dear PM - Pak Lah. henceforth we welcome (with not much of a choice) a new leadership... i doubt if it would be any better. pretty much the same actually.

apparently mr PM-to-be's main focus agenda is to 'unite the multi-racial nation...' what? what kind of fucking agenda is that?! that is the most bloody stupid statement i've ever heard. since when was this not the main focus agenda for all m'sian leaders?

why on earth do we need a PM to do that? they are the one that caused this big mess anyway. i really beh tahan. i'm really so pissed off. such an IDIOT!

as you can tell... i hate m'sian politics.


but seriously... thank goodness its F-R-I-D-A-Y !!