bipolar thoughts...

was in the midst of writing something in this space but ended up digressing and wrote something completely different ---> structural harmony.

Professor Peter Zumthor

pride...

i had one of the most shocking conversations today...

heres a rough outline of it...

me: morning V, i've received your latest structural plans and have a few queries. i realised that the structural beams does not tally with the beam annotations. for example, your annotation for beam x is 250x600mm but when i dimension of the plans... its not as what it says. which do i follow? plus its not really aligned to any of my gridlines. And some of the beam lines are skewed.

c&s: oh... yes... umm. well you just have to follow as per the annotations.

me: you sure? why doesnt it tally?

c&s: oh, normally i dun draw them to scale.

me: (shocked) but why?

c&s: everything would be hidden above the ceiling so it doesnt matter...

me: okay... can you just re-look into your drawings. at least it has no set-out according to my gridlines. if not, how would the contractor establish the positions.

c&s: okay

me: i need this urgently as im currently doing the structural coordination (since you bloody cant do your work) to tally with my architectural plans.

c&s: yes will do.

naturally... he never came back with the revised drawings... wheres your sense of pride in the work you do man. sigh.

and the drawings were a disaster. sigh again.

pheromones...

for the past week, the weather has been completely splendid. it regain my confidence in the truth that we can all live without air-con when you have good natural ventilation. it also made me realised that it wasnt my thoughts that was keeping me awake all night but mostly the heat. the thoughts were just means of distracting me of the heat. alas the week has ended and so has the month of october... hopefully it stays this way. earlier in the shower i figured it could be a sign that God is rewarding me for my wise choice to visit grandma over the weekend. but indeed it was a very good choice. the perfect alibi and reason not to go for the guerilla lighting that i-am-so-glad-its-coming-to-an-end.

recently there is this lil girl who have been trying to ask me out on numerous occasions. first it was for a ballet... then it was some concert... then it was some event at zouk... and then it was the guerilla lighting. well yes... i would had agreed if she was a hot young thang! but unfortunately... she's not and im just superficial that way. but this weekend she finally managed to coerced me into having dinner. well her reason... was something that i just couldnt back down... plus i had no solid alibi this time. long story short... it was awkward. whats worst was that she barely ate.

so i let her decide on the place... since it was her idea. so she chose japanese. decent choice. good old healthy stuff maybe. then it came to the ordering... i jumped when her dinner was a couple of makis. at first i tot she was ordering it as appetizers to s

hare... then when i asked what she would have for her main... she gave me a look as though i was being funny. because THAT was her main. a couple of makis. of course we should not underestimate the filling capacity of the makis. 70% of it is rice. but i was shocked... and i wasnt hiding it. of course then i realised that i shouldnt had judged her eating habits. so i tried to see the positive side (as i am so good at doing) of not indulging into the sin of gluttony. but i cant really blame her... she eats grass on most days. so i guess the maki were really an effort in itself.

slowly and surely dinner was ending... then she started mentioning about the guerilla lighting thing again... telling me had not completely explored all the sites. i looked out of the window pretending as if something interesting had caught my attention... but really figuring out a gentle escape plan. long story short... i wiggled my way out of it. poor girl. but shes only 22... its just wrong. curse us men... who only see the aesthetics of things.

anyway as i mentioned earlier... i hope the good weather will continue for weeks to co

me.

so to end the week... i shall share with you my current obsession. no i am not interested in simon baker... but his character- patrick jane in the drama series... The Mentalist. i also discovered that he's actually australian... it goes to show... being american isnt all that big of a deal. anyone can pull it off.

food repertoire...

in exactly 2 minutes, the weekend will be officially over and its back to the design shop... designing?

so i figured i'd end the weekend, with a list of some of my tummy must have/ favorites.

the importance of seasoning. practically every food item i eat, i must sprinkle at least any of the above items on it. it really does make a difference... its in the details of things.

although i do try to use normal cooking/ veg oil for some of my meals. somehow i have this strange habit of always picking this over the normal oil most of the time. guess it's also due to the fact that i've placed the olive oil bottle at a more convenient location for use. but seriously, i always feel my food would be healthier when i use it.

ever since mom introduced me to breast milk, i have never stopped drinking it. of course i had ceased to drink from the mother's cup for over 20 years. but i have no qualms over its replacement from the moo-moo family.

most singaporeans love their asian black vinegar especially in their bak chor mee. i do like black vinegar... but the angmoh version of it some how gives a different kick to it.

and speaking of kicks... i used to dislike the whole nose to ear sensation you get with mustards. but as time goes by, and with little baby steps (american mustard)... i've grown to love that sensation.

i'm not really a herb obsessed person, i.e. must always add herbs into the food. but there are 2 herbs that i dearly love. i recently made a whole jar of basil pesto. very handy stuff. and the scent of rosemary always brings back memories of my days in melbourne picking those rosemary herbs at flagstaff garden.

having to work like a cow in singapore... i'd have to eat like one as well. and the bitter-peppery taste of rucolas separates it from all the other veggies. i do admit that i used to hate eating raw veggies... but when i realised that its a much healthier option and the discovery of these delicious rucolas, it has become my preferred option.

i once had this month long obsession of risotto making. i made them every other day just trying to get the right texture etc. despite that, i've yet to grow sick of it. unfortunately due the tedious nature of risotto making, it is not an everyday kind of dish i'd make. but whenever i make them... it's gotta be yummilicious. i like the fact that a lot of heart and patience is required in making it.

being an avid lover of milk... it would be natural to love another derivation of it. CHEESE!! but knowing that too much it it makes you a fatty, i do try and control my consumption of it.

i've also discovered that ricotta is a much healthier alternative over thicken cream. hence i've been using it for all my cream based dishes... even for that creamy texture in my scrambled eggs.

i love tomatoes and when i discovered that its good for my prostate. i loved it even better. on top of the usual fresh tomatoes, sun dried tomatoes are an interesting ingredient to add for even say... porridge.

breakfast. my currently most important meal of the day. the fact that i wake up 2 hours earlier than normal just to have breakfast demonstrates how much importance i've placed it to be. i wasnt always a morning person in the past, especially during my archi student days. the mornings somehow rarely existed back then. irony was that i used to date a morning person. strangely it worked out okay.

fish is a very important part of my diet. having told that it makes you smarter, i knew it was an important substance to help nourish my idiosyncratic stupid little useless brain. i am very picking of how my fish is done. making it does not require rocket science, but i think that it usually taste better when heart was put into cooking it. one of my criteria in a partner i supposed is that she should love to eat fish. like cats.

being a person who likes milk and cheese... you must always know where your sources originated from. introducing the mother of all things from the moo-moo land. the moo-moo itself! every inch of it taste good... and it comes in striking red!

decided to include this recent liking of mine... just like sundried tomatoes, you can add it with practically anything and it taste good.
last but not least... i could never live without my coffee fix. it makes a whole lot of difference with/ without it throughout the day. i actually cut down my consumption rate briefly when i was at A61, because i figured it was the healthy thing to do. but now i'm back to my old ways again and it's just splendid.

man oh man... all this talk about food and i realised that it's way past my bedtime!!

the beginning...

the year 1983 was the beginning of a beautiful friendship... and an epitome of improvised standards.

but not for me...

the weeks passes by so quickly. thankfully i still do get to appreciate every single day as it is. i'm satisfied with the decisions i've made thus far. career prospects would be rather puzzling but i think/ hopefully its for the best.

work has somehow gone back on track. no longer would i be distracted with other such nonsensical things, instead now that things are settling and the scope becoming more clearer. i can really sit down and plan/ do my work in a proper manner, without having to worry of some menopausal asshole/ bitch whining and grumbling incessantly. although with much due respect to his experience and all, i still find it amazing that a 60 year old man could behave in such a manner. one word only crosses my mind... bitch.

dad says that people like that are very useful, and at the end of the day gets the project going. i couldnt agree more, however, you tend to wonder why these sort of people even do exist. strange.

but thinking further, reasons why he flaunts his "30 years of experience" so much is simply perhaps because he has nothing else to show about. and before reaching his 30 year mark, he had nothing to flaunt at all. so its an accumulation of something that most people would eventually catch up with. its a tangible skill that perhaps he felt that its something he should seize and take advantage of before its too late. oh well... right now i dun give much of a fuss/ hoots about all these any longer.

mid week...!! and i have to write a complete tender specs for the house.

I may be wrong (But I think you're wonderful)

pictures...

was clearing my digital camera files. these photos were kept in there for such long time was mainly because i really had no idea what to do with them. until today. so i thought i might just post up some of them just to share... since i do rarely upload photos:

improvised mini coffee table.

a man not liking his juice.

suspiciously edible fungus.

sigh...

column smacked in the middle of a room. nice work OMA.

a once messy desk with never ending piles of work.

cake.

spandrel color mockup review.

Tonight... You Belong To Me

something ain't right...

something has changed within me

something is not the same

i'm through with playing by the rules

of someone else's game

too late for second guessing

too late to go back to sleep

it's time to trust my instincts

close my eyes and leap...

comfort food...

had problems with the keyboard. but all's well now that it's fixed. i find it rather creepy to realise that somehow or rather i have this subconscious knowing of where all the letters are distributed on the keyboard. i decided to put it to the test by typing the alphabets from A-Z without looking at the keyboard... and true enough i just knew where all the keys were. not knowing that i actually knew.

anyway... now that work is beginning to pick up (although my teammates beg to differ that my load aint as much as theirs, which could be true but why bother), coming home on time for dinner to whip up simple meals without starving to death in the process is becoming a challenge. sometimes i end up just grabbing something to eat on the way home to avoid all the fuss later.

due to the unpredictable knocking off hours... i have developed 2 of my favourite recipes that i usually whip up that are quick and still tasty. plus the possible variations that avoids it from becoming a bore to eat. the secret is actually in the making of the sauce and the only element of fire required is for the noodles/pasta.

1. pasta carbonara.

i personally find the conventional ingredient of using cream as the sauce base very "jelat". so to resolve this "jelat" tasting dilemma. i picked up this version from Anthony Thompson from Saturday cooks (i'm personally not a fan of his, but it was an easy/ interesting recipe).

its so simple as whipping an egg and ricotta with grated cheese together then tossing in the cooked pasta at the end. nice.

2. momofuku's ginger scallion noodle.

i read this recipe in some magazine once, and i thought to myself that its so damn easy to make. so simple yet so fulfilling. all it needs is sliced scallions, diced gingers, some oil, soy sauce, salt and sherry vinegar. mixed them all together and serve it with ramen noodles. easy with no haste. the best part is that the sauce can be made in advance and kept in the fridge. serving the sauce cold ain't a problem.

so basically, if i'm feelin' angmo-ish i'd go for option 1. and when i'm having my zen vibes... option 2 kicks in.

another sunday gone by...

Since the parent have been dilligently updating us with their lives via blogosphere... i better post something up as well.

natasha liu... nice.

it has begun...

i've finally started on mom's special de-tox/ diet plan for me. this was in lieu of our horrific discovery of what went on in my colon; somehow i have a feeling she would've put me on the diet plan either way.

and so this morning was the first day of a new beginning of healthy living (until the supplements depletes) as i had promised to mom. finally got around in purchasing the elusive apple cider vinegar for the Honeygar mix. truth be told it wasn't all that hard to find, i was just plain ol' lazy. yeap... that lazy bone got the best of me. it sure did.

here's a breakdown of the sequence...

upon rising, i am to take my first glass of honeygar with a teaspoon of herbal klenz, mixed vigorously with great enthusiasm. apart from the strong apple cider vinegar, the herbal klenz was pretty tasteless. so part one a-okay.

for my immediate second glass of honeygar, i am to mix it with a quarter teaspoon of k-salt and a teaspoon of spirulina. the color of it looked disgusting. it had this green thick gooey look that resembled sewer water. the taste we'rent fantastic either, it reminded me of that green herbal powder we used to mix it with water and drink. it was such a crazy thing back then in church that almost all the kids complaint of their distaste. those good ol' parents, always lookin' out for us kids. yummilicious!

so that was pre-breakfast. for breakfast i was to take oats with fruits. i bought a bag of oats but i ate scrambled eggs with baguette slices instead. yummy. ooops. upon completion, i am to take a tablet each of c-complex and b-complex, then top it all up with sprinkling a packet of immuflora unto my tongue. it tasted like fizzy orange.

based on mom's instruction, the salad was to take up 50% of my dinner meal, with good ol' honeygar and flaxseed oil as the dressing. the other 50% was basically protein (chicken or fish) and carbo (rice or potato). I confess that i completely violated the stipulated dinner course. i had cream pasta with meatballs. the dijon mustard really gave it a kick. yum. oops. but i did manage to comply to the second half of dinner which was one c-complex and b-complex each. yumz!

as a bonus or in the event i am in need of supper. her instructions clearly stated that for Supper (if hungry), must eat plain yogurt with flaxseed oil. so since i anticipate the occasional hungry nights, i took a detour home from work to purchase a tub of plain yogurt. just plain, nothing more, nothing less. just the plain ol' goodness of white bacterial fermented milk.

now mom gave no specifics on how much faxseed oil i should take per yogurt serving, so i assume its a table spoon. the color combination of the faxseed oil with yogurt looks compatible. but plain yogurt in the first place... ugh!

so have i made you proud, mom? :)

play it again... sam.

tired brain... (edited)

2 weeks have gone by and tomorrow is Friday! normally we would own this glorious day as the last working day of the week. unfortunately for our team, its the day my team leader, the fat, grumpy, middle aged man, will be returning from his Italiano trip. sad. we anticipate more grumbling, going on and on about how useless the trip was (and it probably was).

Despite his absence throughout this week, the week was not as blissful as i would had expected it to be. perhaps it was self inflicted. given that team-leader was away, i'd decided to seize the opportunity to take charge in some of the work and learning the ropes of trying to adapt into the dynamics of the team. all without the hassle of having team-leader yacking all the way.

apart from work, it was a good time to settle all my planned after work activities. time to get down to business of project change-of-lifestyle. fortunately, i have not been working beyond 7pm thus far and hopefully it will be that way for as much of the year. good thing my team leader is not an advocator of working after hours, just for the sake of it.

on a side note, i was called in for a second interview from a firm that i had previously been interviewed by. this time they were certain and determined to offer me the job as

an Architectural Executive (whoa... canggihnya). the package offered was slightly higher than the current and chances of a pay raised after probation is much promising.

slipping out from work during lunch time is a very new thing to me. given that 2 years ago, it would never cross my mind to such a thing. "betraying" my employer would be so wrong. but as i soon realised... loyalty my ass! seriously, at the end of the day none gives a rats ass of how goody and faithful you are towards your employer. in fact, its something they will take full advantage of given opportunity.

my cello instructor have been urging me to fix a date to lo

ok at cellos. my first lesson was a rather surreal one. never would i imagined myself playing such a beautiful instrument. the feeling was so nice. listening to the sound alone was mesmerizing.

i foresee my instructor not being too pleased of my lack of practice due to the current short-handedness.

it has past my curfew. time for bed.

last day...

in response to the sister's constant showing-off of her culinary skills... i have decided to challenge her with my own culinary extravaganza!!

my first home cooked meal in my new kitchen... sunday breakfast before service- scrambled eggs a la Gordon Ramsay style.

ka-pow!

confessions...

i was supposed to write about the gigantor mushroom i found at the back of the garden. it was a huge white puffball which spurts out spores when its dried up. unfortunately i was unable to upload the photos simply because i left the cables elsewhere. sorry mother lee.

in a couple more days i will be returning to life back in the island and i must admit i am dreading the days ending. these last few days have been very hard to savor given the fact because i subconsciously told myself to do so. this recent break has been rather interesting and much of it was spent literally at home. the past few days was spent to compensate my lack of outdoor-sy activities post surgery and do settle things that i have been constantly thinking about doing.

i'm lovin' it back home eating home cooked food and spending time with the parents which i had conveniently neglected them the whole of 2009. plus it fun observing how the parents are living their independant life post-children-leaving-home-and-making-it-on-their-own. Also and i must say that i have never watched so much tv. i think the past few weeks glued to the tv is equivalent or more than all the tv time i had in the past 3 years. doing basically nothing is fun and addictive.

despite me feeling so reluctant to go back there, apart of me feels like it is something that must be done (at least for the present moment). i wish not to regret living my life with certain unanswered questions that i know that i will ask myself in years to come if i do not seek the answers to them now. and it will surely haunt me for the rest of life if i don't. i guess sometimes you must see past the things in the heart that may be blinding you from the things that are running at a deeper end of ones thoughts that should not be ignored. heartaches are generally easier to deal with than headaches anyway.

and so many would ask why did i chose to accept the offer. of course i tell most people its simply because of the opportunity. the opportunity to work at a huge corporate boutique firm. the opportunity to witness and see how good quality designs are maintain without all the fuss despite being big. the chance to work with the best contractors in Asia that are in Singapore. and to take on projects that may cost 100 million dollars or more.

but there is another side to the story that most people would not want to believe and perhaps would think its stupendous. there are bigger offers that definitely could compare. sadly it aint as tempting and as coincidental at this.

the decision was made somewhat as result of this...

during my time at my previous firm, i had begun to develop thoughts that it was clear that it was a place that i couldn't see myself there any longer. and being so distracted i couldnt help myself to start thinking and planning of other opportunities. at that time there were only 2 firms that kept crossing my mind and felt strongly compelled to give them a try. of course the first was another design firm that was the original firm i had always wanted to try working at in Singapore. unfortunately it was a firm that kept itself very closed up from the rest of the architectural scene. however after working at a so called design firm with a staff size relatively similar to it, i felt it was time for something different. and the other option was the alternative. having been so stressed out at work one time, i decided to send in a job application to the firms as a way of testing the waters before i really decided to step out from the previous. not a tinkle of response was received. so i decided to forget about toying the idea and just moved on to other things.

finally came the day that i official resigned from the firm and had packed my bags to move on. job offers suddenly started to wheel in which i had never expected. and it would had only come after i had resigned which to me personally was a confirmation and assurance that i had made a good decision despite what some might differ. i wasn't throwing away an opportunity instead i had created more. oddly none were really greatly appealing, a few did manage to get my head to turn but not as to me wanting to jump right into it.

but alas a decision apparently had to be made as it was keeping the parents rather restless. the idea of their son being jobless and indecisive was such a worrying thing. so it appeared perhaps it was time to pack up, but not without putting up a small fight just to satisfy my own ego that the choice was not because there was no option but on the contrary was every choice that i would had made.

it was on a saturday morning, the girls had asked me out for an early morning breakfast as a welcome back gesture from the CNY holidays. as we were busy sitting there enjoy the different egg choices done, steph decided to pick up the abandoned morning newspaper lying on the table next to ours. as she was going through the classified adds section, she stumbled upon a architectural firm that was hiring. that firm was coincidentally the alternative firm that i had once pondered. so steph brought it to my attention and said perhaps it would be useful for me despite at that time i had told them of my more or less plans. but of course i had told myself to be more open minded and flexible so... no harm done trying to stroke a man's ego and apply to a firm that i had once applied but had not received any previous response. since i had already spent the past week working my ass off to sort out my portfolio and CV, i might as well just send it out. looking back, out of all the job offers it was the only job offer that i had actually applied to that required my own initiative and to a certain extend done with great effort. surprisingly they responded this time, and it turn out to be the toughest job interview out of all the rest and despite the nerve wrecking interview, i was offered the job instantly on the spot. strange given the fact they had previously ignored me. the company was not hesitant in their decision despite telling me they needed a week to finalise the offer, they got back to me officially the very next day. i had been offered the job out of a pool of applicants that ranged from 3-8 years of experienced. still find it hard to believe.

if i had not gone out for breakfast and if steph had not been antisocial and read the classified adds. i would had never tried to re-send a second job application. now you tell me if that's freaky.
further to that, despite me playing hard to get delaying on my decision and with my recent medical complications they were still willing to wait for me.

so despite my reluctance and feeling damn sien to work again and possibly a high chance of experiencing work dejavu. i guess i have nothing really to lose to see where it takes me... and the fact that this is just so damn freaky. nevertheless i hoping i will be able to give the place a second outtake and live life in singapore at a different perspective.

moral of the story is never to overlook the freaky things in life instead maybe you probably shouldn't. the third eye is much more valuable than the third nipple.

uncertainty...

so for the first time i've finally went through an MRI machine. i really didnt know what to expect and how it would feel to be in the tunnel. so when i was finally in there... i was pretty much blanked. i think being in the tunnel aint the problem, but the idea that you have to lay completely still for 30 minutes was indeed a scary thought.

thankfully i made it through with out much complication. although for numerous times during my time in the tunnel, i kept having these urges to lift my legs up or at least shake 'em. it was like a twitchy feeling. glad it never happened. but after that whole event, i realised one precious thing- that i was still in complete control of my body. although the legs really felt like being naughty (i like calling them naughty), my mind was in full control to make sure it doesnt. with moments like this you realised that it is a fine line between sanity and crossing over to the world of insanity. well i hope the results will not be as shocking as i keep imagining it to be.

you know how it is in television shows where doctors so easily request patients to go on these stupid MRI machines. they made it seem to easy. going through the machine was like walk in the park. well perhaps for the doctors it aint a problem. but the poor patients that have to endure being totally motionless in a round tube. scary. i wonder how fat people could fit into the MRI machine that i went through, it seemed pretty narrow. also i thought it would greatly help if they put a mini tv in the thing or at least play some classical music at the background. it would greatly help ease the horrible feeling of solitude and claustrophobia. so about these doctors and their MRIs, man! apart from it being a painfully suffering for the patients both mentally, it's also freaking expensive. i wish Architects could charge clients the same amount with plotting drawings and also together with the exorbitant consultation fees. 60 bucks for a freaking minute of consultation. in fact it was barely a consultation... more of a referral to spend more money.

been watching a fair amount of TV of late. and i realise the amount of shows there are about doctors and lawyers. and now they even have a show just on nurses. wow why do the media embrace so much on these people. plus they are the 2 professions with the highest amount of fee charges. man, we sure do love our doctors and lawyers so so much!

cats...

this is in response to Serene's blog entry about Mishu...

bottles of champagne...

"6 months isn't so long... everybody gets corrupted."

- tracy from Manhattan (1979)

its been almost a week at the little island. so much has been going through my mine that even i had not anticipated. it is true that life is about making choices, but seriously when there are choices which determines your life, it aint that easy as someone thinks. every decision becomes so difficult. i would give you the breakdown on what the decisions are thus far but i can honestly tell you that its still very much very sketchy. the hardest part is trying to make everyone think that its a-okay, everything is under control. but although it has not reached to a state of tearing my hair off it is still difficult indeed. but the underlying problem is me, what the hell do i want and where do i want to be at this present moment, although home is something that is never to late, but the underlying question is-when? putting thingsinto perspective isnt so easy as there is so much emotion involve when deciding, and it is necessary because the heart does matter when one decides. i know many of you readers are thinking... "just fucking decide already, but i can only retaliate with a Fuck you and go kay poh someone else life". haha. you notice the last bit of "haha" is just a pretext of relieving the tension of the said words before.

now what are the options you ask? well its between getting a little more of a taste of near perfection before going back to the realm of dissapointment, corruption and having to work 10 times harder to get things right. you think joannechew's husband would be a glimmer of hope of the state of a place? i doubt so... he's a fucking idiot just like any other young punk over there. oh forgive me for being so crude and offensive in my remarks, but when a man is in distress and in a state of deep thought. things can get pretty out of control in terms of verbal description. but seriously i hope i am wrong.

so its about getting my priorities straight. to understand the human context of things. things that can't be changed over night and with out rational reasons. contractors cant just suddenly be able to do things beyond there ability and clients who cant just decide that they are willing to pay for something that is beyond their understanding. no its impossible. it requirespatience and a tactful thought, because really, everyone else is fucking stupid except you.

i am a very upset man. upset on things that you cant change overnight and things that you can't control. so anyway, i have been going for a few interviews lately. thus far all of them have offered me a job, except perhaps in terms of salary it can be quite hard to swallow. but i guess its better to sell yourself high first rather than going low and ending up with shit. (unfinished)

so anyway, the song Manhattan has been running though my head endlessly. its a very architecture song i should say. CONTEXT! people... CONTEXT!

books i've been preoccupied with thus far...

Echo of Space/ Space of Echo - Atelier Bow-Wow

Studies- The office of Ryue Nishizawa

Constructing Architecture:materials/ processes/ structures, a Handbook- Andrea Deplazes (Ed.)

Atmosphere- Peter Zumthor

choices...

you've come a long way...

mmmm...

2 days...

theres just so much to clear and handover within a span of a week. up till this day i am still working as per normal. although my hours on site has been reduced to a minimum. theres just so much backlog to clear in order for my successor to have an easier life taking over the jobs. i must admit that i took for granted some of the filing work that should had been cleared earlier. oh well will just make do and try to clear as much.

been receiving calls from people asking about my departure. some even called to tell me that they have also made plans to quit. haha. well its nice to hear people thanking me of the work and their appreciation of working under me. some of them although i must say must of the time i wanted so badly to strangle them for their incompetency. but i guess we're all but humans with various skill levels.

had lunch with my client for the house project. it was thank you gesture for running the project and in hopes to maintain a continual relationship beyond MKPL. i guess in the end he did in some way see my reasons of me leaving the company. apart from showing his appreciation, the client also had wanted to introduced me to a friend of his. apparently they were quite impress by my work and perhaps maybe would grant me some job offers. i reckon mostly A&A and ID jobs. as the lunch hour approaches the end, the client offered me a parting give of huge ang pow and bottles of wine. i was in utter shocked to receive such gifts. nice.

then over at dinner, a friend of mine had been wanting to offer me a job to run a house project. it is by the most expensive house i've ever encountered.

i suppose this resignation process has become a rather interesting affair. so much options to decide from... i really don't know what to do.

while i was showering, i started thinking and envisioning how life would be post MKPL. to my horror i had this thought of perhaps i might have this feeling of emptiness. i worry that i might actually not be able to cope with this new found freedom and would miss the busy times. i have become so used to the busy routines that perhaps i might missed it. scary thought.

1 week to go...

i have been counting every single heartbeat of my time in the office. i realised that i did become rather attached to the company but at the same time i felt betrayed and had lost trust in the things that i used to believed in. perhaps maybe because i have outgrown myself to the things i loved and thought passionately about. my perception of things were fulfilled yet after having a taste of it i realised a certain emptiness to these things that i onced believed were the very essences of my profession. no doubt there are things that i've learn that still strongly remains and have shaped me in ways i might had aspired yet never knew would be attainable.

as the morning ends... 1/4 of the weekend has ended.

on a side note. the imaginariumofdrparnassus was disturbing and the company was even rarer. how strange it was.

2 weeks left...

as you can tell, i am seriously desperate for my days to end sooner. every passing second matters to me. i know it aint healthy but what can you do when your heart is more or less detached from the place. all you ever really can think about is when.

anyway, had tang and viv over my place earlier. initially wanted to meet up for the usual pre-week drinks but because i had to clear some work stuff, they decided to bring have the session at my place instead. it is a pity that i have to leave this place after being so comfortable here. but deep down i know its never really a place i can feel at home or rather a place i will never accept it as the final stop. i hate paying rent or the idea of paying for something that will never truly be mine.

and so as time slowly passes by, thoughts of future plans/ endeavors are starting to play around in my mind. so many options and things to choose from. jules call it the quarter life crisis. the idea that you've reached the age where you have truly grasp the idea of the world being your oyster. you now want to decide and zoom into a specific aspect of things to focus on. but because the oyster is so friggin big... you just cant decide which to choose from. and that really bugs you.

okay... i am like so sleepy now.

twoandahalfweeksandwhyisn'titanysooner...

as most of you would know by now. my departure from the little island is soon to be. with just over a couple weeks more i will be leaving the hard work behind. blood sweat and tears had gone into the projects but unfortunately decisions have to be made. i will not bother to detail the reasons for leaving but i assure you that it is in hope of bigger and better things.

I can really feel that i am mentally drained out from all of this. i struggle to get out of bed every morning (also might be due to the working till late), and how i will always at a certain point of the day feel so lost and confused about work. i tend to stop and imagine this big pile of things to do that i know its physically impossible to complete. with such negativity in mind, half my brain just gives up trying. it is a very bad thing to contemplate about but its this sense of defeat that reminds me that theres only so much a person can do. perhaps i h

ave not reached my full potential and have yet to really learnt all i can within these years. but where is the cut off line? and a bigger question... if its worth it?

well i told myself that its not the work that was bad but it was the environment that made the work more stressful than it is. the management has a funny way of training people. i will always want to learn but at the same time i also want to live. and if the company's definition of living is about constantly pushing your boundaries and compressing all your experience within this short time frame without stopping to rest and reflect, then i'd rather learn things the longer way. it is true that the amount of learning you get here is exorbitant. bu

t i can feel my mental being sucked dry like a wrinkled prune. i just can't do it anymore.

and so it's onward to other brighter and different things...

>much later...

i must admit that i am still a little possessive over my projects. knowing that all my work will have to be handed over to some other human makes me feel a little uneasy, jealous and sad. simply because i feel that most of the shit work was done by me and the ultimate credit will still go to whoever if the last man standing. sigh.

the handover has already begun...

>much much later... after 2 cans of beers.

sigh!!!!!!!

running out of steam...

seriously i guess that there are things in life best left not knowing. it should be only a thought in passing but never to let it dwell till you go crazy. but being the curious cool cat that i am... i just couldn't resist. sure enough... the regret that was inevitable.

just realised today that the GM is planning to rid the current PM for the project. that is horrible. i really love the PM... a real nice chap who wasn't afraid to do things his way. but that same enthusiasm also caused his departure from the project. i guess we humans no matter what will not be able to segregate our personal feelings with our professional judgements. with him gone... that would mean that the GM will be in more control of things. in other words its a huge warning sign for all to run the hell out. the project is a disaster! and it will only grow worst. when people of the higher ranks are getting more involve... it is never a good thing. and i can feel that the angmoh is slowly throwing all the crap to me. so typical. yes and off he goes to do his bloody fucking "dry-lays".

on the other side... the client wants to increase the ceiling height for the living area. another big problem at this late stage. sigh. perhaps its my fault that i failed to really study the option of raising the ceiling. but my take was that the living room is not suppose to be the hearth of the house instead the family room was suppose to be the main gathering space for the family. i gave them a 5m high space with a skylight. i dunno how to reassure the client on this tomorrow. the micro part of designing has begun. wish i could solve all of it... but i fear that i probably would not be able to stay that long. initially i had contemplated another year. but from the way things are going it probably aint happening.

too many things crashing all at once. that includes my own life here.

today has been a rather short day in the office. usually from wednesday onwards... most of my days are spent out of the office and on site. now tell me how the heck do i have time to draft my drawings?!

anyway... well morning site meeting was a nightmare. watching the client banging the table and threatening to sack anyone and everyone who makes the slightest error is really very stressful. then in the afternoon met my other client and his wife to review the landscape proposal. the contrast between a big time developer and a private owner is very telling. developers is all about just getting the job done as early as possible yet still must be able to achieve top quality works. with private owners however, its about trying to satisfy their own ego and the amount of emotional energy put into it is unjustifiable.

so anyway... i must say that my trees and flower knowledge is almost close to zero. well... the only knowledge i have is knowing how to differentiate a Frangipani from a Busheda, which isnt very hard... a bougainvillea between a orchid. har! but i'm so honored that the client, despite my lack of knowledge in plants, still respects my ideas and decisions in every aspect.

the wife obviously knows far better stuff about plants than i do. after the meeting i went home to google all the plants she had mentioned... its gonna be a long discussion with the landscape specialist.

a picture of a Cochlopermum, also known as a buttercup tree. well i agree with the client that its a much more unique and sculptural tree as compared to the common Plumeria trees. the flowers are huge!

on Friday well be heading to Bulthaup to finalise on the kitchen system. i had to reassure the client that using the wood finish for the cabinets is a way classier choice than the stainless steel finish. it was a hard one because i personally also love stainless steel. i think the tricky part is having to deal with natural materials. no architect can truly control mother nature. i guess while we're there... we might as well stop by Xtra to check out some furnitures, if all can be covered then... i might not need to go furniture shopping with them over the weekend. Apparently its the best time to buy furnitures because of the clearance sales...

and i've set my eyes on the Jesse range...

i think for this beach house... i'm gonna go for the warm gray/ natural modern theme. those timber boards would be so perfect for this house... and at my wits on experimenting with the timber... trying all sorts of method to get that washed out rustic effect. i've tried white wash... acid wash... grey wash... i think the timber specialist is getting rather frustrated as well.

another new chapter...

came across a "sweded" version of the Karate Kid on youtube. it was so lame yet somehow it still does in a way manages to summarize the whole movie in 8 minutes. who would had thought you could learn karate just by mastering your household chores. but its seriously still a kick ass kungfu pow awesome movie. then again i realised that despite me loving the first movie, i actually had never watched all the subsequent sequels.

sadly... the holiday season is over and its back to normalcy. sigh.

been reflecting on the pass decade and how funny it is that i tend to remember some over the strangest things. well it's been nearly decade since i've left home and away from the parents. only to return for the holiday seasons.

i actually made a chronological timeline listing a few highlights during the past years... but decided to keep it to myself after a second thought. i guess there are some things really better left untold. hah!

2010... time to get serious?