Its a Friday evening and i am the last person in the office. Dad says my life is practically non-existent. i beg to differ in some ways. But for sure i need to improve my health regime. I had the confirmation when i received 2 'Men's Health' magazine from the contractor's Archi Coordinator. Yes, i have an unhealthy lifestyle, which is probably why i fall sick so easily maybe. But it could also be due to my weird sleeping hours factoring the cruel weather just now. whatever it is, i need to boost up my immune system. Its global warming people! stop chopping down trees and stop driving! i cant comment on the construction industry, as its my bread and butter.
The reason why me being the last person in the office is because half the office had left for JB to attend one of my colleagues wedding. I was suppose to attend but decided to opt out last minute. Just didnt want to see and hang out with my colleagues anymore. quite tired of laughing and joking and seeing their faces. man, hope i'm not running into a state of depression.
I had a short lunch chat with one of the big bosses. It was a sneak preview of the upcoming dinner with both the 2 bosses. this lunch/ dinner session is apparently the bosses' effort to catch up with us employees to get constructive feedback and to update us on our current progress. The conclusion of the whole discussion from what i can gather was basically me being still very young. hence i still do not have anything solid to offer... this translate as... cheap labor. He observed that i apparently have a lack of "passion" in my quest for Architecture, as compared to my other colleagues, i.e. china and korea. but he later commented that it could be an inward thing, which is more likely true. There are just some things not worth sharing to the bosses. For one, i do not like them to know and pry into my thoughts. Architecture for me is a very private and personal thing. its like telling people the color of underwear i am wearing.
i can work for you and churn out the best possible designs, even though i do not show great enthusiasm all the time. And i'm in still of search for my Architecture. so i'd prefer to listen and reserve my thoughts for now. i know some of you would disagree with my way of thinking. but i dont give a damn on what you think. even if my method is wrong. i am very stubborn and have my own way of doing things. so please spare me the advice. not interested. apologize for the rudeness, but i am in a slightly bad mood.
i took the opportunity to share my concerns of my workload in the office. As i am becoming a little confused on the sort of role i play in some of the jobs. so he obliged to pull me out from one of the jobs, which i was most happy to. I am abit exhausted working with the Korean (dont get me wrong, i do not hate the Korean. I find him a very nice guy. We chat and get along pretty well as friends and infact going for the upcoming Sonny Rollins concert! i think it's mainly the boss' mistake of not giving us a clear understanding of each of our roles in this project. hence things got abit messy in terms of the designated responsibilities among other things).
Later we went into the topic of the recent influx of resignations. Already in May, 4-5 of my colleagues have either submitted their resignation letter or are scheduled to leave. And i suspect that was the bosses' main concern and reason for this session with me. He immediately started assuring me of the reason behind it all. That it wasnt unexpected and in a way it was the their intention for some of them to leave. Sadly this does not translate into a huge upgrade in my salary to ensure my stay. but yet he did not give me a good assurance of my existence in the company. in fact he made it seem that i am fortunate to be in this office and be given so much opportunity, and bla bla. hmmmm... me very young no talent yet so better shut my mouth. the only pseudo-praise i got was me being quite an all rounder... having management/ contract admin/ and design work skills.
Well atleast as a consolation, there will be a pay rise in the coming months of June/ July. but that is tailored and dependant on our individual talents and ability as decided by the bosses. damn, which means a possible no pay rise for me? damn.
On to other things. I've been assigned to run this years designer's talk and to sort out the publications for this years Archi Festival. Man, what sort of hole am i digging myself into. haha. I personally voluntered to do publications, reason being to get some exposure in this field to better equip myself when we do eventually start our own architectural magazine. but unfortunately i was asked to lead the designer's forum as i had prior experience in this line of work. hope i'm able to delegate most of my works to other minions. This reminds me, i still owe Richard an article 3 months ago. by now i should have already submitted 2 articles. must focus.
Theres another competition at stake. this time the prize money is worth well over S$20,000.00. OHHH goodie... money money. but ofcourse its a much complicated brief and it captures a wider participation entry. must think carefully. 25K... perhaps i can go on a sabbatical with that amount of cash.
last but not least... Good bye spidey... Marvel has a new no.1 hero.... IRON MAN!! oh my goodness. he is just so polished and shiny (literally). Its a refreshing take on superheros. Filthy rich, obnoxious, heartless, and no secret identity. that in a way, is being true to yourself.
anyway i think its about time i leave this place. time to play!!
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2 comments:
I totally understand how you feel.
It's all words... some very lovely chim words... all just trying to plaster a different face to the situation.
Smile and look entertained. But the decision is still yours.
It's tough isn't not knowing what goes on inside the boss's head. And the consolation is the boss doesn't know what goes inside our heads either. So it's a guessing game on both sides. Even at my level my boss tried to belittle my efforts and tried to imply that my contribution doesn't make much difference to the system but I've managed to outsmart her - By creating my niche strength and build my circle of influence. I also carefully select the courses I want to attend to build up my capacity in management. Also, I've learn that it pays to speak up for it makes people aware that I'm no pushover. Keep up the good work - I know you are passionate about architecture. it's from you that I learn to appreciate buildings and learn the psychological effects of buildings on people and on the environment.
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