finally the long suffering is near over. i still dont think we have a chance on winning this based on our scheme. the diagrams are spot on noentheless. haha. we manged to salvage as much my little conceptual doodles for the presentation board. hope it stays all the way till submission.
i have been a total ass the past few weeks. so grumpy and moody that whoever came close could feel my black aura. but you now start to see little smiles of relieve here and there. but the scares and wounds still remain. man this was the most painful competition i had to work on. not so much on the work but on the stress from the management and the politics. sigh. times have really change.
i think sis and anne felt the brunt of it. haha. i can be such a neh-neh. i say so many crappy things and feel so sorry for myself that i wish someone could just slap me... and hug me at the same time. haha. i need lots of love. love deprivity.
i feel so much older now but the company is not moving in tandem with me. seriously it is rather sad when you realise every morning i wake up i have thoghts about how and when i should leave during the whole journey to the office. telling myself all the things and reason why i should move on. planning my next phase of life. its actually quite exciting yet scary at the same time. i have been rather comfortable from where i am. i realise that i have begun to understand and know what i want to do. of course the next if i am given the opportunity to do so. and the office cant offer me this even if they say they are able to. i wouldnt say they are lying if they fail to keep their promises but rather its just in their nature. and they will forever see me in this way as young and in need for their strict guidance. but i need to move on, to see how much farther i can stretch. it seems that i am never ever satisfied. i am always wanting more. i am never really convince of what i have now is of my potential. i never am very satisfied of peoples oppinion and assesment of me. sigh.
i still find it rather sad to have such thoughts of leaving. mainly perhaps it was the first and only company i have worked in Singapore. and i experienced so much there be it good or bad. it was life changing no doubt. but i am starting to see how small the office world is. and i need to see my self in bigger things. see what more can i learn and be. spread these wings and see how far can i really go. have what i learn in the company really been beneficial. i would only know when i leave then will i finally be able to realise that.
i need to know if architecture is more and beyond mkpl.
oh my goodness... my bones are aching. i better rest. sigh... i missed netball today.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment