twoandahalfweeksandwhyisn'titanysooner...

as most of you would know by now. my departure from the little island is soon to be. with just over a couple weeks more i will be leaving the hard work behind. blood sweat and tears had gone into the projects but unfortunately decisions have to be made. i will not bother to detail the reasons for leaving but i assure you that it is in hope of bigger and better things.

I can really feel that i am mentally drained out from all of this. i struggle to get out of bed every morning (also might be due to the working till late), and how i will always at a certain point of the day feel so lost and confused about work. i tend to stop and imagine this big pile of things to do that i know its physically impossible to complete. with such negativity in mind, half my brain just gives up trying. it is a very bad thing to contemplate about but its this sense of defeat that reminds me that theres only so much a person can do. perhaps i h

ave not reached my full potential and have yet to really learnt all i can within these years. but where is the cut off line? and a bigger question... if its worth it?

well i told myself that its not the work that was bad but it was the environment that made the work more stressful than it is. the management has a funny way of training people. i will always want to learn but at the same time i also want to live. and if the company's definition of living is about constantly pushing your boundaries and compressing all your experience within this short time frame without stopping to rest and reflect, then i'd rather learn things the longer way. it is true that the amount of learning you get here is exorbitant. bu

t i can feel my mental being sucked dry like a wrinkled prune. i just can't do it anymore.

and so it's onward to other brighter and different things...

>much later...

i must admit that i am still a little possessive over my projects. knowing that all my work will have to be handed over to some other human makes me feel a little uneasy, jealous and sad. simply because i feel that most of the shit work was done by me and the ultimate credit will still go to whoever if the last man standing. sigh.

the handover has already begun...

>much much later... after 2 cans of beers.

sigh!!!!!!!