confessions...

i was supposed to write about the gigantor mushroom i found at the back of the garden. it was a huge white puffball which spurts out spores when its dried up. unfortunately i was unable to upload the photos simply because i left the cables elsewhere. sorry mother lee.

in a couple more days i will be returning to life back in the island and i must admit i am dreading the days ending. these last few days have been very hard to savor given the fact because i subconsciously told myself to do so. this recent break has been rather interesting and much of it was spent literally at home. the past few days was spent to compensate my lack of outdoor-sy activities post surgery and do settle things that i have been constantly thinking about doing.

i'm lovin' it back home eating home cooked food and spending time with the parents which i had conveniently neglected them the whole of 2009. plus it fun observing how the parents are living their independant life post-children-leaving-home-and-making-it-on-their-own. Also and i must say that i have never watched so much tv. i think the past few weeks glued to the tv is equivalent or more than all the tv time i had in the past 3 years. doing basically nothing is fun and addictive.

despite me feeling so reluctant to go back there, apart of me feels like it is something that must be done (at least for the present moment). i wish not to regret living my life with certain unanswered questions that i know that i will ask myself in years to come if i do not seek the answers to them now. and it will surely haunt me for the rest of life if i don't. i guess sometimes you must see past the things in the heart that may be blinding you from the things that are running at a deeper end of ones thoughts that should not be ignored. heartaches are generally easier to deal with than headaches anyway.

and so many would ask why did i chose to accept the offer. of course i tell most people its simply because of the opportunity. the opportunity to work at a huge corporate boutique firm. the opportunity to witness and see how good quality designs are maintain without all the fuss despite being big. the chance to work with the best contractors in Asia that are in Singapore. and to take on projects that may cost 100 million dollars or more.

but there is another side to the story that most people would not want to believe and perhaps would think its stupendous. there are bigger offers that definitely could compare. sadly it aint as tempting and as coincidental at this.

the decision was made somewhat as result of this...

during my time at my previous firm, i had begun to develop thoughts that it was clear that it was a place that i couldn't see myself there any longer. and being so distracted i couldnt help myself to start thinking and planning of other opportunities. at that time there were only 2 firms that kept crossing my mind and felt strongly compelled to give them a try. of course the first was another design firm that was the original firm i had always wanted to try working at in Singapore. unfortunately it was a firm that kept itself very closed up from the rest of the architectural scene. however after working at a so called design firm with a staff size relatively similar to it, i felt it was time for something different. and the other option was the alternative. having been so stressed out at work one time, i decided to send in a job application to the firms as a way of testing the waters before i really decided to step out from the previous. not a tinkle of response was received. so i decided to forget about toying the idea and just moved on to other things.

finally came the day that i official resigned from the firm and had packed my bags to move on. job offers suddenly started to wheel in which i had never expected. and it would had only come after i had resigned which to me personally was a confirmation and assurance that i had made a good decision despite what some might differ. i wasn't throwing away an opportunity instead i had created more. oddly none were really greatly appealing, a few did manage to get my head to turn but not as to me wanting to jump right into it.

but alas a decision apparently had to be made as it was keeping the parents rather restless. the idea of their son being jobless and indecisive was such a worrying thing. so it appeared perhaps it was time to pack up, but not without putting up a small fight just to satisfy my own ego that the choice was not because there was no option but on the contrary was every choice that i would had made.

it was on a saturday morning, the girls had asked me out for an early morning breakfast as a welcome back gesture from the CNY holidays. as we were busy sitting there enjoy the different egg choices done, steph decided to pick up the abandoned morning newspaper lying on the table next to ours. as she was going through the classified adds section, she stumbled upon a architectural firm that was hiring. that firm was coincidentally the alternative firm that i had once pondered. so steph brought it to my attention and said perhaps it would be useful for me despite at that time i had told them of my more or less plans. but of course i had told myself to be more open minded and flexible so... no harm done trying to stroke a man's ego and apply to a firm that i had once applied but had not received any previous response. since i had already spent the past week working my ass off to sort out my portfolio and CV, i might as well just send it out. looking back, out of all the job offers it was the only job offer that i had actually applied to that required my own initiative and to a certain extend done with great effort. surprisingly they responded this time, and it turn out to be the toughest job interview out of all the rest and despite the nerve wrecking interview, i was offered the job instantly on the spot. strange given the fact they had previously ignored me. the company was not hesitant in their decision despite telling me they needed a week to finalise the offer, they got back to me officially the very next day. i had been offered the job out of a pool of applicants that ranged from 3-8 years of experienced. still find it hard to believe.

if i had not gone out for breakfast and if steph had not been antisocial and read the classified adds. i would had never tried to re-send a second job application. now you tell me if that's freaky.
further to that, despite me playing hard to get delaying on my decision and with my recent medical complications they were still willing to wait for me.

so despite my reluctance and feeling damn sien to work again and possibly a high chance of experiencing work dejavu. i guess i have nothing really to lose to see where it takes me... and the fact that this is just so damn freaky. nevertheless i hoping i will be able to give the place a second outtake and live life in singapore at a different perspective.

moral of the story is never to overlook the freaky things in life instead maybe you probably shouldn't. the third eye is much more valuable than the third nipple.