leaving OCF... ?????

Sometimes I think to myself, maybe I should had taken that 6 months break from architecture school. Just letting my mind loose… not to worry about passing my grades, reading and writing text that I may not be interested in…
Its just so tiring sometimes, when you don’t get motivated… only being pushed by tutors and lecturers… and all you do is help the people around you hoping you’ll receive the joy and satisfaction out of it. But the truth is, you yourself might not be improving well as much as you expected. You think to yourself… and stare at your work and reflect upon the knowledge you’ve gain… really? Have I really gone a step forward? Has my design skills been sharpen 5 times more… has my architectural logic bring about any sense at all? Has my thinking of reshaping society matured ever since? I don’t know… and grades does not tell you if you do… all it matters is that you pass and head on towards the next stage… leaving what you regretted, or regretted on what you should had done instead.
Would 6 months had made a difference? Its not like im hating architecture already… its just… tiring to be doing work for the sake of doing it… and not being able to appreciate all these until the semester ends, and you realized… Oh! I should had done this or done that… given more thought to it, I might have done this… if only I had to only take one subject per semester… maybe that would not be so bad- probably everyone would wish so too. No, common… commerce? One subject per semester? You gotta be kidding…
6 months of no brainer work… just working in an archi firm… concentrating on one sole purpose… design. Now that would be definitely more relaxing… than taking 3 subs per semester… and still having commitments towards your social agendas… its not easy sometimes, especially when design is involve. I know many of you would disagree… but to me design is so important… that its not just about getting it through towards the semester… but its something I would love to take, and hold and mold it, mixing it up, leaving it for awhile, bouncing it… tearing it apart… reassembling it… and all this would take forever to create something remarkable. But I cant… it’s the idle age… and my mind isn’t as fresh as it was in year 1 and 2… its matured ever since… but its potential cannot be discovered for what so ever reason I do not know.
Hmmm… maybe I should take up my seniors advice and pick up timber furniture design… if you don’t want to think of anything, or you want to figure out design without any disruption… you’ll get that quality time while you’re sand papering the timber… no brainer job -so they say…

OCF is such a drag… boring me to bits… im not sure why, but its probably because I know all too much. darn politics- i hate it with a vengence… making me so uneasy… the backstabbing… incessant gossips… and just pure hypocrisy… irritates me. even the lil things can just tear me apart. Just my total bad impression of it all… from Ben all the way to the members… I know its wrong to be saying things and judging such sorts… but it’s a struggle… everytime I walk into north dining hall…negativity just buzzes around my head… wouldn’t it be nice to just enter into a place, without no whatsoever judgmental thoughts… expecting nothing but still hopeful of something (that would probably be heaven). Not looking at a person and say… you’re a horny bastard… you’re definitely up to something sleazy… that’s purely for your own glory. Even cell group at times be depressing… except for the hope of one… one freakin person… I guess that’s what it all takes… just One.


Feeling much better… now I can finally get some shut eye…and to think, nothing worries me…