1 week to go...

i have been counting every single heartbeat of my time in the office. i realised that i did become rather attached to the company but at the same time i felt betrayed and had lost trust in the things that i used to believed in. perhaps maybe because i have outgrown myself to the things i loved and thought passionately about. my perception of things were fulfilled yet after having a taste of it i realised a certain emptiness to these things that i onced believed were the very essences of my profession. no doubt there are things that i've learn that still strongly remains and have shaped me in ways i might had aspired yet never knew would be attainable.

as the morning ends... 1/4 of the weekend has ended.

on a side note. the imaginariumofdrparnassus was disturbing and the company was even rarer. how strange it was.

2 weeks left...

as you can tell, i am seriously desperate for my days to end sooner. every passing second matters to me. i know it aint healthy but what can you do when your heart is more or less detached from the place. all you ever really can think about is when.

anyway, had tang and viv over my place earlier. initially wanted to meet up for the usual pre-week drinks but because i had to clear some work stuff, they decided to bring have the session at my place instead. it is a pity that i have to leave this place after being so comfortable here. but deep down i know its never really a place i can feel at home or rather a place i will never accept it as the final stop. i hate paying rent or the idea of paying for something that will never truly be mine.

and so as time slowly passes by, thoughts of future plans/ endeavors are starting to play around in my mind. so many options and things to choose from. jules call it the quarter life crisis. the idea that you've reached the age where you have truly grasp the idea of the world being your oyster. you now want to decide and zoom into a specific aspect of things to focus on. but because the oyster is so friggin big... you just cant decide which to choose from. and that really bugs you.

okay... i am like so sleepy now.

twoandahalfweeksandwhyisn'titanysooner...

as most of you would know by now. my departure from the little island is soon to be. with just over a couple weeks more i will be leaving the hard work behind. blood sweat and tears had gone into the projects but unfortunately decisions have to be made. i will not bother to detail the reasons for leaving but i assure you that it is in hope of bigger and better things.

I can really feel that i am mentally drained out from all of this. i struggle to get out of bed every morning (also might be due to the working till late), and how i will always at a certain point of the day feel so lost and confused about work. i tend to stop and imagine this big pile of things to do that i know its physically impossible to complete. with such negativity in mind, half my brain just gives up trying. it is a very bad thing to contemplate about but its this sense of defeat that reminds me that theres only so much a person can do. perhaps i h

ave not reached my full potential and have yet to really learnt all i can within these years. but where is the cut off line? and a bigger question... if its worth it?

well i told myself that its not the work that was bad but it was the environment that made the work more stressful than it is. the management has a funny way of training people. i will always want to learn but at the same time i also want to live. and if the company's definition of living is about constantly pushing your boundaries and compressing all your experience within this short time frame without stopping to rest and reflect, then i'd rather learn things the longer way. it is true that the amount of learning you get here is exorbitant. bu

t i can feel my mental being sucked dry like a wrinkled prune. i just can't do it anymore.

and so it's onward to other brighter and different things...

>much later...

i must admit that i am still a little possessive over my projects. knowing that all my work will have to be handed over to some other human makes me feel a little uneasy, jealous and sad. simply because i feel that most of the shit work was done by me and the ultimate credit will still go to whoever if the last man standing. sigh.

the handover has already begun...

>much much later... after 2 cans of beers.

sigh!!!!!!!

running out of steam...

seriously i guess that there are things in life best left not knowing. it should be only a thought in passing but never to let it dwell till you go crazy. but being the curious cool cat that i am... i just couldn't resist. sure enough... the regret that was inevitable.

just realised today that the GM is planning to rid the current PM for the project. that is horrible. i really love the PM... a real nice chap who wasn't afraid to do things his way. but that same enthusiasm also caused his departure from the project. i guess we humans no matter what will not be able to segregate our personal feelings with our professional judgements. with him gone... that would mean that the GM will be in more control of things. in other words its a huge warning sign for all to run the hell out. the project is a disaster! and it will only grow worst. when people of the higher ranks are getting more involve... it is never a good thing. and i can feel that the angmoh is slowly throwing all the crap to me. so typical. yes and off he goes to do his bloody fucking "dry-lays".

on the other side... the client wants to increase the ceiling height for the living area. another big problem at this late stage. sigh. perhaps its my fault that i failed to really study the option of raising the ceiling. but my take was that the living room is not suppose to be the hearth of the house instead the family room was suppose to be the main gathering space for the family. i gave them a 5m high space with a skylight. i dunno how to reassure the client on this tomorrow. the micro part of designing has begun. wish i could solve all of it... but i fear that i probably would not be able to stay that long. initially i had contemplated another year. but from the way things are going it probably aint happening.

too many things crashing all at once. that includes my own life here.

today has been a rather short day in the office. usually from wednesday onwards... most of my days are spent out of the office and on site. now tell me how the heck do i have time to draft my drawings?!

anyway... well morning site meeting was a nightmare. watching the client banging the table and threatening to sack anyone and everyone who makes the slightest error is really very stressful. then in the afternoon met my other client and his wife to review the landscape proposal. the contrast between a big time developer and a private owner is very telling. developers is all about just getting the job done as early as possible yet still must be able to achieve top quality works. with private owners however, its about trying to satisfy their own ego and the amount of emotional energy put into it is unjustifiable.

so anyway... i must say that my trees and flower knowledge is almost close to zero. well... the only knowledge i have is knowing how to differentiate a Frangipani from a Busheda, which isnt very hard... a bougainvillea between a orchid. har! but i'm so honored that the client, despite my lack of knowledge in plants, still respects my ideas and decisions in every aspect.

the wife obviously knows far better stuff about plants than i do. after the meeting i went home to google all the plants she had mentioned... its gonna be a long discussion with the landscape specialist.

a picture of a Cochlopermum, also known as a buttercup tree. well i agree with the client that its a much more unique and sculptural tree as compared to the common Plumeria trees. the flowers are huge!

on Friday well be heading to Bulthaup to finalise on the kitchen system. i had to reassure the client that using the wood finish for the cabinets is a way classier choice than the stainless steel finish. it was a hard one because i personally also love stainless steel. i think the tricky part is having to deal with natural materials. no architect can truly control mother nature. i guess while we're there... we might as well stop by Xtra to check out some furnitures, if all can be covered then... i might not need to go furniture shopping with them over the weekend. Apparently its the best time to buy furnitures because of the clearance sales...

and i've set my eyes on the Jesse range...

i think for this beach house... i'm gonna go for the warm gray/ natural modern theme. those timber boards would be so perfect for this house... and at my wits on experimenting with the timber... trying all sorts of method to get that washed out rustic effect. i've tried white wash... acid wash... grey wash... i think the timber specialist is getting rather frustrated as well.

another new chapter...

came across a "sweded" version of the Karate Kid on youtube. it was so lame yet somehow it still does in a way manages to summarize the whole movie in 8 minutes. who would had thought you could learn karate just by mastering your household chores. but its seriously still a kick ass kungfu pow awesome movie. then again i realised that despite me loving the first movie, i actually had never watched all the subsequent sequels.

sadly... the holiday season is over and its back to normalcy. sigh.

been reflecting on the pass decade and how funny it is that i tend to remember some over the strangest things. well it's been nearly decade since i've left home and away from the parents. only to return for the holiday seasons.

i actually made a chronological timeline listing a few highlights during the past years... but decided to keep it to myself after a second thought. i guess there are some things really better left untold. hah!

2010... time to get serious?

proposition... S.A.

post-christmas and pre-new year at kl was rather relaxing. sadly was not able to find time to use the hotel facilities during my stay. then again guess it wasnt the priority. but i must say that the wedding was a complete bore. it was just shake bride and groom hands as you enter, sit down and make small talk with the people, eat and just eat, witness an average toasting session, shake the bride and grooms hand on the way out. yes... how very exciting indeed. it would had been slightly more entertaining if there was like some speech or special items just to engage with the bored crowd. well it would had been a consolation if there were hot babes around... sadly none at all!!

but apart from that... everything else was good. the food was yummy.

some poor quality photos taken with my HP camera at random...

my mind is gradually becoming more clear headed on things to come.

caffeine high...

the past few days i've been going to bed relatively early and waking up early to arrive at the office 15 minutes early. thats a very good thing. unfortunately i predict this beautiful streak will be broken. me the genius brewed myself a cuppa at 11pm. it comes natural to me to want to drink coffee when i'm working even when i'm at home. so by the forces of nature... i was driven to have that coffee and now i'm regretting it so badly.

so since i'm having trouble trying to sleep. i decided to uhmm... nag. but the plus point is that with my brain being so pumped up by the coffee adrenaline. i've managed to work out on all my letter/ email replies to the contractors. recently one of my contractors have been shooting emails trying to blame the architects for the cause of delay in their works and evade themselves from their responsibilities. writing to refute such erroneous claim is a very tricky thing. in some ways... it could be a trap. on the other hand, i have another contractor who is so onz on getting the job going yet... very poor in their correspondences and paperwork. and i have to write them a whole list of to do works and to help them record every single item discussed and remind them to submit ALL their paperworks. every time i mentioned the word write or report... the contractor would roll their eyes and give me the "do i really have to?" look. i guess it is a very tedious task. i know for sure... because i myself have to do all these administrative things as well. but then i would then give them a long explanation trying to rationalize with them the importance of all these paper work.

i've finally confirmed my reservation at the Westin in KL. perhaps this time i will try and spend more time in the hotel and indulge myself with the facilities. the last time i stayed at the Westin i was barely in it. now i'm thinking whether i should further extend my stay there...

it seems 2010 will be the year many friends are planning to visit KK. majority of them specifically have set their eyes on the mountain. and what better way to save their accommodation fee by staying with a local during their trip. so maybe 2010 would be the year i would pay many visits back home. in a way to compensate the failed trips back home in 2009.

on to other miscellaneous things... i was informed that check shirts are back. yeehaw! *spank that ass... biatch!*

you get what you ask for...

birthday gifts...

surprise mock up of my RC wall that was to be ready on Monday. I spoilt the surprise when i visited the site on Friday.
... and my new Universal Dock that came together with a 100SGD apple voucher because the Magic Mouse was out of stock!!
nice...

reasons why... im still here.

there are 2 projects under my wing that have been sustaining my sanity. but again... one of the project has the potential of driving me insanely nuts. nevertheless both projects are a good example of working with 2 different contractors and projects of vast difference in scale.

finally for the last 3 years we've finally reached the stage of constructing the e-deck. of course the residential units are still no where near its supposedly completed stage. sigh...

but on the other hand, after the long 3 year hiatus. my little house has finally started moving... and moving pretty fast it is. imagine it was suppose to start construction 1 year ago. i must say i am rather proud to see my little baby taking its shape...

below is a photo of the house... preparing the rebars for the swimming pool and the balancing tank. the foreground is the living room. if you notice which i am sure you cant... the contractor had to do a quick improvisation on the rebar and structural changes. had to arm twist the engineer to change the structural design error. i hate it went engineers wants me to compromise on my side as a result of their lack of due diligence and failure to read the architectural drawings in detail. and so i refused to allow the engineer to psyche me in tolerating the stupid cock-up of having a structural column sitting right into my koi pond. he spent 15 minutes on the phone then later in the meeting trying to pacify me and trying to convince me to look at a different angle by accepting a "box-up". i realise both M+E and structural engineers love to use the word "box-up" as a means to solve every error in detail.

the tricky part was that the error was only discovered after the pile cap was completed. so we had to transfer the structure by introducing a tie beam of 500x1000mm to support the column structure sitting on a 125mm cantilevered slab. haha amazing stuff. now i know how capable the structural engineers are... all they need is a little arm twisting stimulation to let them think outside the box. and we all can talk about cost later... i suppose. haha.

apart from the little house on a little island... there is the monstrous condo development. this... structural design is relatively more complicated. literally each floor is supported on a transfer slab due to the stepping terraces. imagine the 6 storey structure is also sitting on a 500mm thick transfer slab. the mother of all the transfered slab in this entire development. haha...
the e-deck finally taking shape... thats the upper e-deck where the BBQ area is located and right below is the function room.
this the handrail design for the typical penthouse. i find it rather too complicated after seeing the mock-up done by the contractor. the design was to resolve the level changes of the steps yet to keep the continuity of the railings. so it was design on the basis that a person can grab and slide their hands along the handrail without any obstruction to its continuity.
a photo of the swimming pool balancing tank...
its true that i do all the fun stuff in the office... haha.

ending in echoes of silence...

finally started sending out my resumes to a couple of firms over the weekend. well, fingers crossed and hope i get the interviews. at the moment i am being very picky and tasteful in the firms i've applied to. i guess its more of the quality and my specific agenda than anything else. unlike 3 years ago where i just spread my net all out to see which kind soul would be so nice to hire me. i was a sponge that wanted to just absorb every single droplet of water that i can possibly absorb. but after 3 years, i've come to realise the certain dos and donts that i wish to include in my learning curve. in a way its like readjusting the steepness of the curve and go straight to the specific things i want to learn.

however, if i do not get the job or find that the place ain't suitable enough... then it might be bye-bye Singapore. i really do hope i get my first preference... it was my first preference of firms when i was applying for jobs in Singapore 3 years ago. surprisingly it still is. unfortunately they were not hiring at the time... and being so popular there is a high chance they might not be either this time, or are very picky on their applicants. sigh.

well another hidden agenda and reason why i hope to get into that company is because of its affiliation with [The Theaterworks]. then perhaps i would have the opportunity to do some stage set designing as well.

so here's a new prayer assignment for you folks!

lately i've been blasting my iPod with lots of rock music. drowning myself within this spectrum of music genre is due to my need to detached myself from the environment... be it in public transport, public areas, and at times at the work place. and perhaps to avoid the need to entertain the silence within my head that would lead to weird thoughts. the band, Foo Fighters, in particular have been my frequent listen. i've been looping their complete discography from The Color and Shapes to their recent Greatest Hits album. thats listening to 7 albums of non-stop head banging music. friggin awesome!

other strange listens would be U2. a band that i am not very fond of in the past, mainly because i hate Bono's annoying ne-ne vocals. but i am beginning to be rather respectful of "the edge's" echoey guitar riffs. it can be rather hypnotic.

aside from Rock music... i still do keep up with my usual listens. the most recent findings is Stan Getz's Bossas and Ballads: the lost sessions

i'm beginning to be able to distinguish clearly his sounds and style of play from other sax players. its a really good album. the sort you can listen early in the morning or late nights before bedtime.

finally got around to buy my ticket to the [Chick Corea] concert. i didnt manage to find anyone that would be interested or available to kawan me. ofcourse... shlim kept insisting i ask Debs to go. but i was reluctant to. don't ask me why.

yummy...

jingle bells... jingle bells...

so today's sermon in church was about treasures in heaven (matthew 6:19~24). we learned that we should not worship money and place it on an alter... instead we should spend! i'm pretty sure the recent obama-hujintao get together is about obama trying to physco china into splurging all that loads of cash hidden underneath them chinese pillows...

here are some of my current ogles...

a Vespa LX150...

or...

Leica M8 range finder... i'm not trying to turn into one them "photogs" but seriously this camera is a beau. i couldn't stop myself from fiddling with Ju's Leica.

budweiser...

it seems rather hard to find a compadre for the chickcorea in december. but nonetheless its something i must not miss. somehow i treat this as a significant milestone of my life... why? because 3 years back when i had just arrived to start my new life in this island... chickcorea was in town. sadly i was not able to go because at that time i was still trying to orientate myself around and sistic.com was the last thing on my mind. but he's back again... and i cant help but wonder if its signifies an ending of a past phase welcoming me as i transition myself to a new.

anyway, bet y'all are probably rolling your eyes right now. so i shall not elaborate any further.

today was the last bible class for the year. finally a break from the tuesday routine. it has been rather swell. i probably wouldnt had made the effort to study about the life of moses if it werent for bsf. somehow i think God wanted class to be on a Tuesday. tuesdays are my site walk days in the morning... where after that im usually all sweaty and sticky. the worst feeling ever. then its the day before my regular wednesday site meeting. which is always a nightmare. normally there would be tons of things to do and follow up prior to the meeting. i must say i was not a regular bible class goer towards these last few months. i think i missed most part of Deuteronomy. yes very ashamed. but at least i managed to catch Moses' last dying days. well unlike most days... i decided to mingle a little longer during the group mingling session and adjourned for dinner after. figured it might be the last time i'd see any of these folks or at least for the rest of the remaining year.

strangely i bumped into a very old OCF acquaintance. i remember him from my ocf days as the tough love hardcore NS cum lawyer christian. funny to discover that he dreaded his ocf days. but i can totally understand why, but coming from him was rather a surprise as well. maybe because i didnt really knew him that well to begin with. but yea although i did share some happy moments and learnt a thing or two during my OCF days... overall it sucked in general.

was video conferencing with the parents over the weekend. apart from sharing my reasons and theories of the complications of finding my "other half" and females in general. it suddenly dawn on me that for whole of 2009... i have not made a trip back to KK. the last time i was back was in christmas. and at the rate i'm in... i do not think i will be breaking that streak. this year would be the first in my decade life away from home that i did not celebrated CNY and perhaps christmas. So now the big question... what am i gonna do this christmas?!

short lived...

as i said i would. here are some photos taken of the built panels. this was taken the night before the exhibition's opening. was not able to see how the finished finished product turned out, the exhibition was only open during working hours only. by the time i headed down from office, the hall was closed and in total darkness. sad.

if you're wondering...

The moon was shining on the lake at night

The Slayer t-shirt fit the scene just right

Smeared mascara, I looked into your eyes, I saw a light

You told me stories about your chickadees

They didn't like BB guns or stupid archery

John the lifeguard, he let them use the pool all day for free

Then the conversation stopped, and I looked down at my feet

I was next to you and you were right there next to me

Then I said girl,

If you're wondering if I want you, (I want you to) I want you to

So make a move, (Make a move) 'cos I ain't got all night

The rest of the summer was the best we ever had

We watched Titanic, and it didn't make us sad

I took you to Best Buy, you took me home to meet your Mom and Dad

Your Mom cooked meatloaf even though I don't eat meat

I dug you so much, I took some for the team

Your dad was silent, his eyes were fixed on what was on TV

Then the conversation stopped, and I looked down at the ring

Your folks were next to you, and you were right there next to me

Then I said girl,

If you're wondering if I want you, (I want you to) I want you to (I want you to)

I swear it's true (I swear it's true) without you, my heart is blue

Girl,

If you're wondering if I want you, (I want you to) I want you to

So make a move, (Make a move) 'cos I ain't got all night

So much pain may come our way

There may come a day when we have nothing left to say

When the conversation stops, and we're facing our defeat

I'll be next to you and you'll be right there next to me

Then I'll say girl,

If you're wondering if I want you, (I want you to) I want you to (I want you to)

I swear it's true (I swear it's true) without you, my heart is blue

Girl,

If you're wondering if I want you (I want you to) I want you to

So make a move, (Make a move) 'cos I ain't got all night

gravity... working against me.

now that my new printer/scanner/ photocopier is finally up and running. i can finally share some of the recent stuff i was being preoccupied with. haha!

my most recent (completed) project would be the designing of exhibition space for SIA at the BEX Asia Exhibition. it was a low budget assignment with a minimal yet very "organic" brief. when i say "organic" is because we had no idea what was going to be exhibited till the very last of days just before the exhibition started.

so let me show some of the thought process...

the site or the designated space we were given was at the far right hand side of the hall smacked in the middle of the main corridor. well for me, i personally love long narrow spaces. simply because i love given the chance to create depth in the narration of the spaces. <-- i bet you all are wondering what the heck do i mean... seriously... i pun tak tahu *shrugs*

anyway, given that it was right at the end of the corridor, that automatically made it the main draw / focal point of the exhibit. and i thought, so how do i draw the viewers attention. initially i thought of using reflective materials to scream at the viewers, then i thought since singapore loves green... why not i just plant a tree ( but that would just be too tacky, and the n-parks booth was just around the corner). instead since reflective materials would probably cost a bomb, i decided to create the drama by drawing the viewers through a series of steps that would lead them to this long wall of about 2.2 meters. in a way it meant to give height to the exhibits and yet the human scale is still retained by the steps.

~ i forgot to explain what the exhibits consisted of. well basically the SIA wanted to exhibit the whole timeline of their involvement with the countries green mission. then the left over space was given to all the other regional architectural institutions to showcase their own stuff. ~

now that would explain the purpose of the wall. because i did not want to distract the main focus that this exhibit is essentially for SIA and the other stuff was just subsidiary of it. the wall becomes the main theme and backdrop of everything. the viewers would naturally know the the heighten wall is the main exhibit and surrounding it being place at random on the steps is the forest of exhibit panels. randomly placed to show that all could be just part or equal to the status of the viewers wanting to crowd around to witness the great SIA wall. haha.

now but there was a problem (apart from the budget constraint). given that we were unsure how many boards would make up the numbers for the regional institutes exhibit, i was not able to plan in advance my little random forest. and if the numbers escalated it would be too bushy a forest for the wall to be effective. so to make things less complicated, i decided to bring forward the wall. but by doing that, the steps would be totally redundant. and so i decided to use the wall as its rightful function... to block and hide and shelter the whatever that lies behind it. but to get into the space, i needed to make a fenestration. hence using the corridor as my reference i opened up the fenestration and concurrently created a sense of depth to the viewers.

because the only thing that we were able to control was the SIA exhibits, the wall then serves as the permanent exhibit and what goes behind it was the organic + transient space. its like the backstage of where all the junk lies. i had no qualms of wanting to connect the 2 spaces because in all truth both exhibits were pretty incongruous with each other. and i couldnt wait for the other institutes to give me a confirmed number.

above is detail sketches of the wall with a pelmet incorporating the T5 lights. the contractor proposed to add sandbags within the 300thk walls to make sturdy the walls without needing the additional chamfered supports that i so wanted to avoid.

i will post up the photos of the finish product shortly. i left the photos in my office PC hardisk.

Postmortem...

now that it is completed and i have seen the finished product and despite the few hiccups here and there. i am reasonably satisfied with the results.

one of the main hiccup was the position of my fenestration that was supposedly to be inline with the corridor somehow was off-set. i was scratching my head on site wondering why the whole damn thing was shifted by at least 3 meters. i tot the contractor had miscalculated and got the setting out wrong or something or perhaps the whole exhibition in itself was set out wrongly. since i couldnt get answers from the contractor as he was out for lunch, i decided to ask the organisers themselves. and as it turns out the reason why

it was off was because at the very last minute without informing anyone, they decided to add an additional stall for their own exhibit hence everything was moved down. i was so upset, even more because i could not do anything about it but to just accept its fate.

the sketch above was done after the whole thing was completed.

after further thought, there were 2 things that i could had done to make it more meaningful:

1.

i personally thought the 2m fenestration was a little too big. it revealed too much of what mystery lied behind the wall. a better size might had probably been half a meter. the viewer would have to reorientate and adjust him/herself by entering the space sideways. in a way the viewers would be forced to make an effort to get into the space behind. ofcourse it would had been politically incorrect if i had actually done that. it would have been very offensive to the other regional institutes exhibits, in particular for the Thai exhibit. Thai king would feel very insulted.

2.

creating a level change with a raised threshold at the fenestration would be an interesting way of informing the people of the transition in space and a good means of emphasizing the focal point of the exhibit.

anyhow... all is over and done with. im glad that the SIA exhibition turn out very different from the other booths which were rather tacky and IMHO too loud. as what Wenhao commented... "... among all it was the most architecturally sensible booth." nice.

As the great Carlos Scarpa (and his many exhibition design exercises) says...

"experiments in designing exhibitions make it possible to test one's own architectural language, serving as an instrument for propagating the prevailing architectonic message..." haha... my message.

happy birthday... to me.

it would definitely be a magical christmas as well if you were mine... magic mouse... caress caress... stroke stroke... click click... touch touch... ooooohhh... aaahhhhhh...

oh i love diagrams...

2 months notice...

the weekend had gone by so fast yet again. highlight for today (apart from groundbreaking ceremony of the sentosa cove house site this morning) was probably my stash of newly purchased CDs. my original intention was to search for the Jersey Boys musical soundtrack. in the end... the cd was not on sale and i ended up buying everything else. i can never turned down a good sale. pity keith jarret CDs just never ever will be on sale. why?!

was supposed to attend some dinner event at Royal China in the Marina Mandarin, instead i decided to spend the rest of the evening at home. i guess turning down the offer to meet Ben Van Berkel and Maksimilio Fuksas was never really a tough decision. hah! i'll be able to hear all that "sublime order" crap shit over the week anyway. the only thing i'm interested to settle is the exhibition gallery for this years BEX Asia at suntec. in the end to meet the budget... the final design is now so much simpler and somehow more organic in its flexibility. given that PAM and all the other regional architectural institutes just cant decide how many boards they wanna exhibit. so i the best option was to bring forward the huge wall and hide all the other stuff behind it. i hope it turns out well.

now i must decide if i should attend the party at the loof or go for bible class on tuesday. i'll decide that when the time comes.

saturday we celebrated SunHo's 6th month. for a change of scenery, we decided to do it at my place. he just cant take his eyes off the place. momzy had trouble breast feeding him because he was just too distracted to nibble on the boobies. why i say nibble? because he has grown 2 little teeths!! haha. carrying that 9kilo pilllow reminds me of my climb up to mount kk... lugging a 9kilo backpack up the Mesilao trail. tough to my weak knees.

As requested, some photos of the dive. looking forward for the next one.

sunburn...

after 3 years of procrastination... i've finally arrived into the world of the underwater! hah!

and there was a huge big puffer fish to welcome me during the last dive of the trip. it was huge!!!!

i must say... God was omnipresent during the whole trip. no hiccups and the weather was decent. not the best condition but decent enough to finish all 5 dives. the current affecting the visibility underwater but thankfully the heavy rain pours only started when we set foot on Mersing jetty. that was a relief.

so... next stop... Sipadan? Taiwan? Thailand? Indonesia? Cairns?

apparently the visibility in Taiwan seas is up to 30meters. thats damn syok!

why do you let me stay here...?

monday again and i feel like shit. i hate the feeling of unaccomplishment at the end of the day. i never ever get to finish what i had planned on doing on most days. theres just too much to do and everything seems to be moving concurrently. even though the office is filled with people, yet somehow i feel so alone. the only support i get from the bosses is stress. i guess my heart and mind has really drifted.

finally the beans is spilled. i guess the bosses just can't whole their tongue any longer. they just had to know. well my somewhat detachment from the office and work was rather obvious or so it seems. the lady boss had been observing me of late... and realise that my work progression has come to a halt. as she puts it... "car engine not able to start..." i was rather surprised at the observation and how badly she wanted to talk to me about it. but it's hard to explain what i'm feeling. there is a reason for my current state but there is no real way of sharing in vagueness. but all i could answer to her queries was that i am ofcourse making plans... much like any other human being in planet earth. plans... thats life. making plans in hopes of achieving it. the whole setting was rather uncomfortable though very amusing, i had never imagine myself in this situation ever before. and it has come to a point of being in the office for a period of time, until the bosses can sense my difference. ofcourse i have not really made a great effort of hiding it, but still i didnt know work had been affected so deeply. but looking back i guess it has... because nowadays i always end the day with the fuck that... i'm going home mentality. this is actually a very bad work attitude. but really... though i feel so sincerely guilty about it, at the same time i just can't help myself. its horrible, because i really want to give my best, but i am unable to contribute further, and my growth in the office is stunt. the direction i'm heading... is perhaps not the direction i intend to seek. and when i generally will stop giving my best when i find sometihng that's not in line with my thoughts or if i think its just not right. i hate being stagnant and been put in a situation where i cant move. the more i'm put in a corner the more i would wanna crash out. thats just human nature.

so im taking this as a sign. besides theres just no way i can go back anymore. and the bosses' observation has served as a confirmation of the plans. well atleast for the first part of it.

so unprepared.