but not for me...

the weeks passes by so quickly. thankfully i still do get to appreciate every single day as it is. i'm satisfied with the decisions i've made thus far. career prospects would be rather puzzling but i think/ hopefully its for the best.

work has somehow gone back on track. no longer would i be distracted with other such nonsensical things, instead now that things are settling and the scope becoming more clearer. i can really sit down and plan/ do my work in a proper manner, without having to worry of some menopausal asshole/ bitch whining and grumbling incessantly. although with much due respect to his experience and all, i still find it amazing that a 60 year old man could behave in such a manner. one word only crosses my mind... bitch.

dad says that people like that are very useful, and at the end of the day gets the project going. i couldnt agree more, however, you tend to wonder why these sort of people even do exist. strange.

but thinking further, reasons why he flaunts his "30 years of experience" so much is simply perhaps because he has nothing else to show about. and before reaching his 30 year mark, he had nothing to flaunt at all. so its an accumulation of something that most people would eventually catch up with. its a tangible skill that perhaps he felt that its something he should seize and take advantage of before its too late. oh well... right now i dun give much of a fuss/ hoots about all these any longer.

mid week...!! and i have to write a complete tender specs for the house.

I may be wrong (But I think you're wonderful)

pictures...

was clearing my digital camera files. these photos were kept in there for such long time was mainly because i really had no idea what to do with them. until today. so i thought i might just post up some of them just to share... since i do rarely upload photos:

improvised mini coffee table.

a man not liking his juice.

suspiciously edible fungus.

sigh...

column smacked in the middle of a room. nice work OMA.

a once messy desk with never ending piles of work.

cake.

spandrel color mockup review.

Tonight... You Belong To Me

something ain't right...

something has changed within me

something is not the same

i'm through with playing by the rules

of someone else's game

too late for second guessing

too late to go back to sleep

it's time to trust my instincts

close my eyes and leap...

comfort food...

had problems with the keyboard. but all's well now that it's fixed. i find it rather creepy to realise that somehow or rather i have this subconscious knowing of where all the letters are distributed on the keyboard. i decided to put it to the test by typing the alphabets from A-Z without looking at the keyboard... and true enough i just knew where all the keys were. not knowing that i actually knew.

anyway... now that work is beginning to pick up (although my teammates beg to differ that my load aint as much as theirs, which could be true but why bother), coming home on time for dinner to whip up simple meals without starving to death in the process is becoming a challenge. sometimes i end up just grabbing something to eat on the way home to avoid all the fuss later.

due to the unpredictable knocking off hours... i have developed 2 of my favourite recipes that i usually whip up that are quick and still tasty. plus the possible variations that avoids it from becoming a bore to eat. the secret is actually in the making of the sauce and the only element of fire required is for the noodles/pasta.

1. pasta carbonara.

i personally find the conventional ingredient of using cream as the sauce base very "jelat". so to resolve this "jelat" tasting dilemma. i picked up this version from Anthony Thompson from Saturday cooks (i'm personally not a fan of his, but it was an easy/ interesting recipe).

its so simple as whipping an egg and ricotta with grated cheese together then tossing in the cooked pasta at the end. nice.

2. momofuku's ginger scallion noodle.

i read this recipe in some magazine once, and i thought to myself that its so damn easy to make. so simple yet so fulfilling. all it needs is sliced scallions, diced gingers, some oil, soy sauce, salt and sherry vinegar. mixed them all together and serve it with ramen noodles. easy with no haste. the best part is that the sauce can be made in advance and kept in the fridge. serving the sauce cold ain't a problem.

so basically, if i'm feelin' angmo-ish i'd go for option 1. and when i'm having my zen vibes... option 2 kicks in.

another sunday gone by...

Since the parent have been dilligently updating us with their lives via blogosphere... i better post something up as well.

natasha liu... nice.

it has begun...

i've finally started on mom's special de-tox/ diet plan for me. this was in lieu of our horrific discovery of what went on in my colon; somehow i have a feeling she would've put me on the diet plan either way.

and so this morning was the first day of a new beginning of healthy living (until the supplements depletes) as i had promised to mom. finally got around in purchasing the elusive apple cider vinegar for the Honeygar mix. truth be told it wasn't all that hard to find, i was just plain ol' lazy. yeap... that lazy bone got the best of me. it sure did.

here's a breakdown of the sequence...

upon rising, i am to take my first glass of honeygar with a teaspoon of herbal klenz, mixed vigorously with great enthusiasm. apart from the strong apple cider vinegar, the herbal klenz was pretty tasteless. so part one a-okay.

for my immediate second glass of honeygar, i am to mix it with a quarter teaspoon of k-salt and a teaspoon of spirulina. the color of it looked disgusting. it had this green thick gooey look that resembled sewer water. the taste we'rent fantastic either, it reminded me of that green herbal powder we used to mix it with water and drink. it was such a crazy thing back then in church that almost all the kids complaint of their distaste. those good ol' parents, always lookin' out for us kids. yummilicious!

so that was pre-breakfast. for breakfast i was to take oats with fruits. i bought a bag of oats but i ate scrambled eggs with baguette slices instead. yummy. ooops. upon completion, i am to take a tablet each of c-complex and b-complex, then top it all up with sprinkling a packet of immuflora unto my tongue. it tasted like fizzy orange.

based on mom's instruction, the salad was to take up 50% of my dinner meal, with good ol' honeygar and flaxseed oil as the dressing. the other 50% was basically protein (chicken or fish) and carbo (rice or potato). I confess that i completely violated the stipulated dinner course. i had cream pasta with meatballs. the dijon mustard really gave it a kick. yum. oops. but i did manage to comply to the second half of dinner which was one c-complex and b-complex each. yumz!

as a bonus or in the event i am in need of supper. her instructions clearly stated that for Supper (if hungry), must eat plain yogurt with flaxseed oil. so since i anticipate the occasional hungry nights, i took a detour home from work to purchase a tub of plain yogurt. just plain, nothing more, nothing less. just the plain ol' goodness of white bacterial fermented milk.

now mom gave no specifics on how much faxseed oil i should take per yogurt serving, so i assume its a table spoon. the color combination of the faxseed oil with yogurt looks compatible. but plain yogurt in the first place... ugh!

so have i made you proud, mom? :)

play it again... sam.

tired brain... (edited)

2 weeks have gone by and tomorrow is Friday! normally we would own this glorious day as the last working day of the week. unfortunately for our team, its the day my team leader, the fat, grumpy, middle aged man, will be returning from his Italiano trip. sad. we anticipate more grumbling, going on and on about how useless the trip was (and it probably was).

Despite his absence throughout this week, the week was not as blissful as i would had expected it to be. perhaps it was self inflicted. given that team-leader was away, i'd decided to seize the opportunity to take charge in some of the work and learning the ropes of trying to adapt into the dynamics of the team. all without the hassle of having team-leader yacking all the way.

apart from work, it was a good time to settle all my planned after work activities. time to get down to business of project change-of-lifestyle. fortunately, i have not been working beyond 7pm thus far and hopefully it will be that way for as much of the year. good thing my team leader is not an advocator of working after hours, just for the sake of it.

on a side note, i was called in for a second interview from a firm that i had previously been interviewed by. this time they were certain and determined to offer me the job as

an Architectural Executive (whoa... canggihnya). the package offered was slightly higher than the current and chances of a pay raised after probation is much promising.

slipping out from work during lunch time is a very new thing to me. given that 2 years ago, it would never cross my mind to such a thing. "betraying" my employer would be so wrong. but as i soon realised... loyalty my ass! seriously, at the end of the day none gives a rats ass of how goody and faithful you are towards your employer. in fact, its something they will take full advantage of given opportunity.

my cello instructor have been urging me to fix a date to lo

ok at cellos. my first lesson was a rather surreal one. never would i imagined myself playing such a beautiful instrument. the feeling was so nice. listening to the sound alone was mesmerizing.

i foresee my instructor not being too pleased of my lack of practice due to the current short-handedness.

it has past my curfew. time for bed.

last day...

in response to the sister's constant showing-off of her culinary skills... i have decided to challenge her with my own culinary extravaganza!!

my first home cooked meal in my new kitchen... sunday breakfast before service- scrambled eggs a la Gordon Ramsay style.

ka-pow!

confessions...

i was supposed to write about the gigantor mushroom i found at the back of the garden. it was a huge white puffball which spurts out spores when its dried up. unfortunately i was unable to upload the photos simply because i left the cables elsewhere. sorry mother lee.

in a couple more days i will be returning to life back in the island and i must admit i am dreading the days ending. these last few days have been very hard to savor given the fact because i subconsciously told myself to do so. this recent break has been rather interesting and much of it was spent literally at home. the past few days was spent to compensate my lack of outdoor-sy activities post surgery and do settle things that i have been constantly thinking about doing.

i'm lovin' it back home eating home cooked food and spending time with the parents which i had conveniently neglected them the whole of 2009. plus it fun observing how the parents are living their independant life post-children-leaving-home-and-making-it-on-their-own. Also and i must say that i have never watched so much tv. i think the past few weeks glued to the tv is equivalent or more than all the tv time i had in the past 3 years. doing basically nothing is fun and addictive.

despite me feeling so reluctant to go back there, apart of me feels like it is something that must be done (at least for the present moment). i wish not to regret living my life with certain unanswered questions that i know that i will ask myself in years to come if i do not seek the answers to them now. and it will surely haunt me for the rest of life if i don't. i guess sometimes you must see past the things in the heart that may be blinding you from the things that are running at a deeper end of ones thoughts that should not be ignored. heartaches are generally easier to deal with than headaches anyway.

and so many would ask why did i chose to accept the offer. of course i tell most people its simply because of the opportunity. the opportunity to work at a huge corporate boutique firm. the opportunity to witness and see how good quality designs are maintain without all the fuss despite being big. the chance to work with the best contractors in Asia that are in Singapore. and to take on projects that may cost 100 million dollars or more.

but there is another side to the story that most people would not want to believe and perhaps would think its stupendous. there are bigger offers that definitely could compare. sadly it aint as tempting and as coincidental at this.

the decision was made somewhat as result of this...

during my time at my previous firm, i had begun to develop thoughts that it was clear that it was a place that i couldn't see myself there any longer. and being so distracted i couldnt help myself to start thinking and planning of other opportunities. at that time there were only 2 firms that kept crossing my mind and felt strongly compelled to give them a try. of course the first was another design firm that was the original firm i had always wanted to try working at in Singapore. unfortunately it was a firm that kept itself very closed up from the rest of the architectural scene. however after working at a so called design firm with a staff size relatively similar to it, i felt it was time for something different. and the other option was the alternative. having been so stressed out at work one time, i decided to send in a job application to the firms as a way of testing the waters before i really decided to step out from the previous. not a tinkle of response was received. so i decided to forget about toying the idea and just moved on to other things.

finally came the day that i official resigned from the firm and had packed my bags to move on. job offers suddenly started to wheel in which i had never expected. and it would had only come after i had resigned which to me personally was a confirmation and assurance that i had made a good decision despite what some might differ. i wasn't throwing away an opportunity instead i had created more. oddly none were really greatly appealing, a few did manage to get my head to turn but not as to me wanting to jump right into it.

but alas a decision apparently had to be made as it was keeping the parents rather restless. the idea of their son being jobless and indecisive was such a worrying thing. so it appeared perhaps it was time to pack up, but not without putting up a small fight just to satisfy my own ego that the choice was not because there was no option but on the contrary was every choice that i would had made.

it was on a saturday morning, the girls had asked me out for an early morning breakfast as a welcome back gesture from the CNY holidays. as we were busy sitting there enjoy the different egg choices done, steph decided to pick up the abandoned morning newspaper lying on the table next to ours. as she was going through the classified adds section, she stumbled upon a architectural firm that was hiring. that firm was coincidentally the alternative firm that i had once pondered. so steph brought it to my attention and said perhaps it would be useful for me despite at that time i had told them of my more or less plans. but of course i had told myself to be more open minded and flexible so... no harm done trying to stroke a man's ego and apply to a firm that i had once applied but had not received any previous response. since i had already spent the past week working my ass off to sort out my portfolio and CV, i might as well just send it out. looking back, out of all the job offers it was the only job offer that i had actually applied to that required my own initiative and to a certain extend done with great effort. surprisingly they responded this time, and it turn out to be the toughest job interview out of all the rest and despite the nerve wrecking interview, i was offered the job instantly on the spot. strange given the fact they had previously ignored me. the company was not hesitant in their decision despite telling me they needed a week to finalise the offer, they got back to me officially the very next day. i had been offered the job out of a pool of applicants that ranged from 3-8 years of experienced. still find it hard to believe.

if i had not gone out for breakfast and if steph had not been antisocial and read the classified adds. i would had never tried to re-send a second job application. now you tell me if that's freaky.
further to that, despite me playing hard to get delaying on my decision and with my recent medical complications they were still willing to wait for me.

so despite my reluctance and feeling damn sien to work again and possibly a high chance of experiencing work dejavu. i guess i have nothing really to lose to see where it takes me... and the fact that this is just so damn freaky. nevertheless i hoping i will be able to give the place a second outtake and live life in singapore at a different perspective.

moral of the story is never to overlook the freaky things in life instead maybe you probably shouldn't. the third eye is much more valuable than the third nipple.

uncertainty...

so for the first time i've finally went through an MRI machine. i really didnt know what to expect and how it would feel to be in the tunnel. so when i was finally in there... i was pretty much blanked. i think being in the tunnel aint the problem, but the idea that you have to lay completely still for 30 minutes was indeed a scary thought.

thankfully i made it through with out much complication. although for numerous times during my time in the tunnel, i kept having these urges to lift my legs up or at least shake 'em. it was like a twitchy feeling. glad it never happened. but after that whole event, i realised one precious thing- that i was still in complete control of my body. although the legs really felt like being naughty (i like calling them naughty), my mind was in full control to make sure it doesnt. with moments like this you realised that it is a fine line between sanity and crossing over to the world of insanity. well i hope the results will not be as shocking as i keep imagining it to be.

you know how it is in television shows where doctors so easily request patients to go on these stupid MRI machines. they made it seem to easy. going through the machine was like walk in the park. well perhaps for the doctors it aint a problem. but the poor patients that have to endure being totally motionless in a round tube. scary. i wonder how fat people could fit into the MRI machine that i went through, it seemed pretty narrow. also i thought it would greatly help if they put a mini tv in the thing or at least play some classical music at the background. it would greatly help ease the horrible feeling of solitude and claustrophobia. so about these doctors and their MRIs, man! apart from it being a painfully suffering for the patients both mentally, it's also freaking expensive. i wish Architects could charge clients the same amount with plotting drawings and also together with the exorbitant consultation fees. 60 bucks for a freaking minute of consultation. in fact it was barely a consultation... more of a referral to spend more money.

been watching a fair amount of TV of late. and i realise the amount of shows there are about doctors and lawyers. and now they even have a show just on nurses. wow why do the media embrace so much on these people. plus they are the 2 professions with the highest amount of fee charges. man, we sure do love our doctors and lawyers so so much!

cats...

this is in response to Serene's blog entry about Mishu...

bottles of champagne...

"6 months isn't so long... everybody gets corrupted."

- tracy from Manhattan (1979)

its been almost a week at the little island. so much has been going through my mine that even i had not anticipated. it is true that life is about making choices, but seriously when there are choices which determines your life, it aint that easy as someone thinks. every decision becomes so difficult. i would give you the breakdown on what the decisions are thus far but i can honestly tell you that its still very much very sketchy. the hardest part is trying to make everyone think that its a-okay, everything is under control. but although it has not reached to a state of tearing my hair off it is still difficult indeed. but the underlying problem is me, what the hell do i want and where do i want to be at this present moment, although home is something that is never to late, but the underlying question is-when? putting thingsinto perspective isnt so easy as there is so much emotion involve when deciding, and it is necessary because the heart does matter when one decides. i know many of you readers are thinking... "just fucking decide already, but i can only retaliate with a Fuck you and go kay poh someone else life". haha. you notice the last bit of "haha" is just a pretext of relieving the tension of the said words before.

now what are the options you ask? well its between getting a little more of a taste of near perfection before going back to the realm of dissapointment, corruption and having to work 10 times harder to get things right. you think joannechew's husband would be a glimmer of hope of the state of a place? i doubt so... he's a fucking idiot just like any other young punk over there. oh forgive me for being so crude and offensive in my remarks, but when a man is in distress and in a state of deep thought. things can get pretty out of control in terms of verbal description. but seriously i hope i am wrong.

so its about getting my priorities straight. to understand the human context of things. things that can't be changed over night and with out rational reasons. contractors cant just suddenly be able to do things beyond there ability and clients who cant just decide that they are willing to pay for something that is beyond their understanding. no its impossible. it requirespatience and a tactful thought, because really, everyone else is fucking stupid except you.

i am a very upset man. upset on things that you cant change overnight and things that you can't control. so anyway, i have been going for a few interviews lately. thus far all of them have offered me a job, except perhaps in terms of salary it can be quite hard to swallow. but i guess its better to sell yourself high first rather than going low and ending up with shit. (unfinished)

so anyway, the song Manhattan has been running though my head endlessly. its a very architecture song i should say. CONTEXT! people... CONTEXT!

books i've been preoccupied with thus far...

Echo of Space/ Space of Echo - Atelier Bow-Wow

Studies- The office of Ryue Nishizawa

Constructing Architecture:materials/ processes/ structures, a Handbook- Andrea Deplazes (Ed.)

Atmosphere- Peter Zumthor

choices...

you've come a long way...

mmmm...

2 days...

theres just so much to clear and handover within a span of a week. up till this day i am still working as per normal. although my hours on site has been reduced to a minimum. theres just so much backlog to clear in order for my successor to have an easier life taking over the jobs. i must admit that i took for granted some of the filing work that should had been cleared earlier. oh well will just make do and try to clear as much.

been receiving calls from people asking about my departure. some even called to tell me that they have also made plans to quit. haha. well its nice to hear people thanking me of the work and their appreciation of working under me. some of them although i must say must of the time i wanted so badly to strangle them for their incompetency. but i guess we're all but humans with various skill levels.

had lunch with my client for the house project. it was thank you gesture for running the project and in hopes to maintain a continual relationship beyond MKPL. i guess in the end he did in some way see my reasons of me leaving the company. apart from showing his appreciation, the client also had wanted to introduced me to a friend of his. apparently they were quite impress by my work and perhaps maybe would grant me some job offers. i reckon mostly A&A and ID jobs. as the lunch hour approaches the end, the client offered me a parting give of huge ang pow and bottles of wine. i was in utter shocked to receive such gifts. nice.

then over at dinner, a friend of mine had been wanting to offer me a job to run a house project. it is by the most expensive house i've ever encountered.

i suppose this resignation process has become a rather interesting affair. so much options to decide from... i really don't know what to do.

while i was showering, i started thinking and envisioning how life would be post MKPL. to my horror i had this thought of perhaps i might have this feeling of emptiness. i worry that i might actually not be able to cope with this new found freedom and would miss the busy times. i have become so used to the busy routines that perhaps i might missed it. scary thought.

1 week to go...

i have been counting every single heartbeat of my time in the office. i realised that i did become rather attached to the company but at the same time i felt betrayed and had lost trust in the things that i used to believed in. perhaps maybe because i have outgrown myself to the things i loved and thought passionately about. my perception of things were fulfilled yet after having a taste of it i realised a certain emptiness to these things that i onced believed were the very essences of my profession. no doubt there are things that i've learn that still strongly remains and have shaped me in ways i might had aspired yet never knew would be attainable.

as the morning ends... 1/4 of the weekend has ended.

on a side note. the imaginariumofdrparnassus was disturbing and the company was even rarer. how strange it was.

2 weeks left...

as you can tell, i am seriously desperate for my days to end sooner. every passing second matters to me. i know it aint healthy but what can you do when your heart is more or less detached from the place. all you ever really can think about is when.

anyway, had tang and viv over my place earlier. initially wanted to meet up for the usual pre-week drinks but because i had to clear some work stuff, they decided to bring have the session at my place instead. it is a pity that i have to leave this place after being so comfortable here. but deep down i know its never really a place i can feel at home or rather a place i will never accept it as the final stop. i hate paying rent or the idea of paying for something that will never truly be mine.

and so as time slowly passes by, thoughts of future plans/ endeavors are starting to play around in my mind. so many options and things to choose from. jules call it the quarter life crisis. the idea that you've reached the age where you have truly grasp the idea of the world being your oyster. you now want to decide and zoom into a specific aspect of things to focus on. but because the oyster is so friggin big... you just cant decide which to choose from. and that really bugs you.

okay... i am like so sleepy now.